Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Why am I writing about Garfield?

Do you think Jim Davis, the guy that draws Garfield comics, wakes up everyday and still thinks his comic strip is funny? Do you think he just has a wheel that he spins with the words "Lasagna" "I Hate Mondays" and "Blank Thought Bubble" on it and he just randomly picks what the next box will say? I think he still writes this comic right? I saw it in the paper yesterday and I assumed he is still doing new ones.

Toward the end of Charles Schulz's life, Charlie Brown just got weird. It rarely made since. I hope when I'm 80, my friends and family will tell me to stop making videos about farting.

So I'm re-writing my One Man Show. There were two sketches in the original draft, but I took one out and am replacing it with a character piece. Now it's more one man than in was before. I'm not sure if I'm keeping the sketch that's in it now or replacing it with another sketch. So many decisions to make. I hate Mondays. Oh wait it's Tuesday.

I started the screenplay and am 10 pages into it. Now I am realizing I need to plan it out a tad more. I'm going to do a little character development and plan out the next act before I start up again I think. Maybe I'll just keep going and clean it all up after I have a 90 page mess on my hands.

Monday, July 30, 2007

I'm Tired and I Smell Like Smoke

Hope everyone had a great weekend. This weekend was the Del Close Marathon at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater. For those of you that aren't "into" the history of improvisational theater, which I would assume is almost 98% of everyone, Del Close is the man credited with creating long form improv. For the last 9 years UCB Theater has held a 73 hour long improv marathon. For three days straight there is a different improv show every half hour, featuring groups and improvisers from around the country. It's a drunken debaucherous time for all.

This year the crowd was even bigger and it was hotter and humider than ever. The inside of the theater felt like what I would imagine the inside of a football players jockstrap during the last quarter of the super bowl would feel. Sweaty, smelly, with a tad bit of chafing.

I was scheduled to be in 3 shows. The first was at 8 am on Saturday with my improv group Pitter Patter. The show was pretty great considering it was 8 in the morning and half the audience was asleep. I have a show tonight with Pitter Patter at the Pit at 7pm by the way. Only 5 bucks.

The next show I was in, actually just came out of the blue. It was at 4:30 am on Sunday morning. It was called "Nicolas Cage Match". It was just a bunch of people playing different Nicolas Cages. The guy who threw it together ask me if I wanted to do it 3 minutes before it started, so I told him I wanted to be Nicolas Mage. That is Nicolas Cage as a wizard if he was in Harry Potter. I grabbed a nappy white wig I found in the green room, and broke a plastic hanger to make a wand. The show was terrible, but fun. The next show was called "Dane Cookin' it Up". It was just a bunch of guys doing terrible impressions of Dane Cook. It was immediately after the Nicolas Cage Match so I had to change into my Dane Cook t-shirt super fast. That show was retarded as well.

The last show I was in was Film Noir Improv and it was at 6 am. The entire cast was pretty drunk at this point and we had to put on the black and white make up and suits. It was a little gross because of the ball sack like atmosphere. That show was pretty good all things considered. I have a Film Noir show THIS Wednesday as well so please come on out the the UCB Theater at 9:30pm on August 1st and watch me do improv in make up and a suit. What could be more fun?

I'm sending in 6 show ideas to Super Deluxe today, so everyone out there pray for me. They are all pretty high concept shows, but any of them would be a blast to make. E-mailing in pitch ideas isn't the best way to pitch at all, but I don't have the means to go to Super Deluxe in Atlanta and pitch them in person. It's so hard to get your ideas across to people, even when you're doing it in person, so I'm a bit worried about sending the stuff in cold turkey. Oh well, it's all a right time and place thing anyway, maybe it's my turn to be in the right place at the right time. If not I'll keep going to other places at different times.

To Recap,

Show Tonight 7pm PIT Theater 29th St. Btwn 7th and 6th Ave.

Show Wednesday Night at 9:30pm at UCB Theater 26th St. btwn 8th and 9th Ave.

Pray that my pitches find a safe warm place to fester and breed infection.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Motivation, where did you go?

I have finished 5 pitches to submit to Super Deluxe. It is really scary to submit stuff like this, you really start to second guess yourself and fill your self up with doubt. But that is poison, so I have decided to actually have faith that my shit is good. Heck it's fucking great! In fact it's extremely creative and funny.

I'm going to fucking nail this thing! YEAH YEAH YEAH!!!!!!!!

I also started a screenplay today and I'm 3 pages into it. I'm going to try to barrel through as much of it as I can without planning it out at all. I know this will bite me in that ass around page 30, but this script has been bouncing around in my head for a couple years. I want to get a really rough draft of it done in like 3 weeks. It is a Rom-Com, so it isn't hysterically funny, but it will have some pretty good moments.

I'm also going to start this animated kids film I have wanted write for years tomorrow or next week. I'm just trying to get better at writing and I want to have some scripts under my belt to shop around.

They say write what you know, but if I did that my movie would just be about a guy sitting in his boxers all day masturbating, and that would be a terrible movie. Actually it would play big in Chelsea or Oak Lawn, but none of my family would go to it.

OK, I've got to bang out a couple more pages before the wife gets home and expects me to talk to her or something.

I have a show next Wednesday at 9:30 at the UCB Theater, I'm looking at you Matt, so come out and bring your friends, I'm looking at you Blue Sky Employees.

Thanks to all who watch the FNGR on Funny or Die. Keep it up and I'll be Immortal before you know it.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007


Well folks the trial is finally over and I can officially spill the beans. Basically some dude stabbed this other dude. Lots of witnesses plus a crazy defendant equals guilty.

The prosecuting DA had a bulletproof case. She called about 13 witnesses, when she really only need to call about 5. That didn’t help speed the trail along. This case should have taken a day, but since the DA called everyone in New York up as a witness and the defense lawyer repeated himself over and over and over on cross examination it took a week and a half.

The DA was about 26 years old, 6 foot something, pale white, about as skinny as Nicole Ritchie on a good day, and had jet black hair. This had to be her 3rd or 4th case. She was super nervous and had a cart of evidence that she rolled into court each day. I’m guessing she got picked on in high school a lot.

Now this is where the trail got interesting. The defense lawyer was 80 years old if he was a day. He had absolutely NO case, so he tap danced around everything and tried to convolute the entire trial with moral and irrelevant issues. He was straight out of an episode of Perry Mason; in fact I think it might have been Perry Mason, returned from the grave. I shit you negative when I say he looked like the crypt keeper. During his summation I thought he might start laughing maniacally and disappear in a puff of smoke. There were moments when his face resembled a skull, and the wisps of white hair residing on top of his head made it even more frightening. He was crotchety and easily agitated. He was a lot of fun. He made the trail interesting at least.

In the jury room we were almost ready to vote him guilty, but when you assemble a group of humans, there's always people that just don’t “get it” or want more clarification. So we actually debated for a good two to three hours, but the overwhelming evidence and logic of the case finally rung true and we agreed on a guilty verdict.

I’m not a robot, I know that’s hard to believe because I’m made of metal and am full of circuit boards and wires, but I did feel really bad after I said the word guilty. I’m no saint and I certainly will have a lot to answer for when my clock stops ticking, but I really did feel like I wasn’t qualified to judge another persons actions. At the end of the day, he did commit a crime, and one that could have conceivably killed a man, so he did deserve the verdict he received, but it hurts my heart to think that I just sentenced a man to a punishment that will not only disrupt his life, but his wives life, his family’s life and his friends lives. I guess if I didn’t feel any sympathy I would need therapy, or at the very least a new emotion chip.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

There can be only one?

Sorry to slap another self starting video into my blog, but dammit I don't know how else to get this thing 100,000 views on the Funny or Die website. You see, if a video has a 4 or higher rating and gets 100,000 views, it becomes what they call "Immortal" and at that point voting is suspended and the video will forever be on the site.

What does this mean for me? Not a damn thing. I won't get money. I won't win a prize. Will Ferrell won't hand write me a thank you note with an 8x10 signed headshot. All that will happen is it will make me happy in my heart, and you can't put a price on happiness.

So here's the deal, click the word "funny" in the lower left hand corner of the video at any time while it's playing. You should then see a 2 second video of an audience laughing, that means it worked. Then hit re-load in your browser window and repeat this until your clicking finger is a short boney nub and your mouse is covered in blood.

I removed this video for a bit, will put it back up later...

Love you guys and I'll have another jury report tomorrow. Keep up the good work.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Back to Business

Nick Gibbons Inc. is back in full swing today. I didn't have to serve on the jury today, so I've been hammering out pitches in an attempt to get a show to on the Super Deluxe website. The pitches consist of some old stuff and some new stuff.

I also wrote two little songs for my new side project Ukunasia! (It's pronounced like euthanasia) the ukulele death metal duo. Their names are Bartholomew Bloodbath and Delilah Death. The first song is called R.Y.E. and the second song is called Baby. Good stuff, Satan will be pleased.

Right now I'm writing this blog entry in an attempt to avoid working on my pitches.... OK I gotta get back to work now kids.

Love Ya.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Super Secret Sneak Peak

I had a baby idea today and I threw together this little bit of propaganda for it. I have big plans for this my friends, big plans indeed...

Ears will bleed.

I got my hair texturized!

This cost me 31 dollars plus a 5 dollar tip for the "stylist" and a 3 dollar tip for the "shampoo-ist". The stupid look on my face was free. My mom gave me that.

Court wasn't so bad today. We knew going in that it was going to be a half day, 10am to 1pm, but it turned out to be half a half day, 10 am to 11 am. So I got up at 8 am and rode the subway 45 minutes for less than an hours worth of people bastardizing our legal system. Gotta love it. At least there wasn't any biblical style storms or fire breathing assplosions today. Good with the bad.

I left the court and made my way to my favorite pizza place for lunch, Two Boots. After helping to ensure I'll never loose those 20 pounds I need to loose, I left the place and walked 4 long blocks to the subway, only to realize I had left my backpack at Two Boots. I blame the kids today with their rock and rap music. I doubled back and rescued my bag from the crazy pizza guys.

On my way to the subway, again, I called a place called "Dramatics" and made an appointment to get a long overdue hair cut. They had an opening so I made my way there. I get really nervous in these places for some reason. Maybe it's because the girl that cut my hair looked almost exactly like Paris Hilton, minus the chihuahua and orange jumpsuit. After another attractive woman shampooed me into submission, Paris asked me if I wanted her to "texturize" my hair. I asked her what that meant and she said some stuff, I think, I stopped listening after about 2 seconds and just agreed to whatever she said. She could have given me a mo-hawk and I would have said it was cool. After 7 minutes, the deed was done and I was officially texturized, and you know what folks... I feel texturized, and it feels good.

Now that I'm super hot I'm probably going to get that call from George Cloony to be in Oceans 14.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Set Sarcastic Volume to 11, Now...

Another great day taking part in our wonderful and efficient legal system. In NO way is ANYONE involved in this trial wasting our time or money as Americans.

OK, turn the sarcastic volume back to a normal level now and turn your sympathy volumes up.

So I wake up at 8 am this morning because I have to be at the court building at 9:45 am. I get ready and leave my house. It's raining pretty hard, but I only have a 20 foot walk to the subway station so I run to the entrance without using an umbrella. 45 minutes later I arrive at my stop. I exit the subway station into one of the most horrific downpours of rain I've seen in a long long time. I'm talking arc building rain. I open my sorry excuse for an umbrella and venture out. This umbrella is LITERALLY the shittiest umbrella that an umbrella maker has ever unleashed unto the world. Clearly this umbrella should be marked with a label that reads, "Useful only in the desert or if it's not actually raining."

Hey, it's only 8 blocks to the court building.

I can't express enough that every use of the word LITERALLY in this blog can be taken literally.

I literally looked like I jumped into a swimming pool when I arrived at the court building. 10 minutes early by the way. We were told to be there at 9:45, the proceedings proceeded at 10:45, at which time it had stopped raining.

Oh did I mention I had to miss an audition because of this jury duty? Did I mention it's the first audition I've gotten since I quit? Did I mention it was for an acting gig that could have gotten me 20 grand if I had bagged the role?

Luckily the court room is always a chilly 63 degrees, perfect for people who are soaking wet.

At lunch I walked around China Town and realized that a person could get lost there and never be seen again. I swear to God every street looks the same and I walked down several little alleys where I could have been grabbed pulled into a doorway and sold into the Chinese white slavery trade.

I was super hungry and couldn't read any sign. I was hoping at least one Chinese family was going to buck the trend and open an Irish Pub so I could've gotten a nice Sheppards pie for lunch. Nothing. Instead I went in a weird Chinese restaurant, and ordered form the vegetarian menu. That way they couldn't slip in any weird sea creature or strange part of a duck. I ordered something called the Buddha Special. I figured, that dudes super fat, this has got to be good. It wasn't. I know it was all vegetables, but I still have no idea what I ate. I did get rice with it. The rice was great.

We got let go at 4:10 pm, incidentally the exact time the audition was over. I'm home now and out of my wet clothes. I was going to take a nap because I have a show tonight at the UCB, but instead I wrote this. I hope at least one of you can get some joy out of my day. Time to start drinking.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Law & BOREDer

Well my first day of juroring has come to a close. I can't tell you anything about the case yet. I can tell you however that, luckily, I had terrible stomach cramps coupled with hot and spicy diarrhea for the first part of the day. Let me go on the record as saying, nothing goes better with sitting in a room you can't leave for hours than diarrhea and an asshole that feels like lava has been erupting out of it for days.

I can tell you what I did for lunch today. I went to a little place in the court district called Wow Cafe. While I ate my lunch I saw not 1, not 2, but 3 people angrily return their order because it was wrong. I guess the Wow stood for "Wow you guys suck"

They have a couple laptops from the 1940s in a small room so jurors can check their e-mail. After you wind the crank a couple of times, it started up the laptops combustion engine. I guess a lot of jurors have bad eyesight, because the resolution on the monitor was so low that I could only read about two letters of my e-mail at a time.

After one of my "sessions" in the courts lovely and lush public bathrooms, I exited my stall to discover a dude smoking, what I believed to be pot in the stall beside me. I saw him because the stall he decided to this this in didn't have a door. He was startled when I came out and I smelled smoke for a second. He acted really suspicious when I saw him and he quickly left the bathroom. I don't smoke pot, but I can think of about 1000 safer places to light up a blunt than a NYC court house bathroom.

I really really really want to ask the judge after the trial when this episodes going to air, but I think I might get thrown in jail.

More tomorrow my pretties.

Meet Juror #7

That's right folks, for the next 7 days I will be serving my civic duty inside a New York City court building, and I couldn't be more excited. It's every ones dream to get selected for a jury and now I finally get to live the dream. I know all of you are super jealous of me, but don't give up hope, maybe someday you'll get the call to keep the American dream alive.

This means I will be out of pocket for a while so e-mail and phone calls will be little to none. I'm not ignoring all my loyal fans, I'm just protecting our way of life by taking part in the best legal system on Earth.

Pray for me.

Thursday, July 12, 2007


Holy Shit Balls!

The F.N.G.R. is currently on the front page of the Super Deluxe website, at the bottom in the user generated section.

Hurry go here http://www.superdeluxe.com/ watch that shit and post comments. I'm totally trying to pitch more shows to them so the more good comments the better.

I love you all.
The Film Noir show was a lot of fun last night. Every one really contributed a lot of good stuff and the audience loved it. We have another show next week so please come out.

I posted another one of my bits on Funny or Die. Please watch and vote for it. You can vote as many times as you want, in fact I encourage that. To vote just click the word "funny" that appears at the end of the video, or click the "funny" that is right under the video as the video is playing.

Thank you leagions of loyal fan! Yes I'm talking to you mom.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

One Man Show This Close

I think I'm done with my one-man show. I have to read it out loud and time it out to see if it's long enough. There are two character pieces and two new sketches and I play myself as an over the top actor.

I think it's pretty funny. I wanted to keep it as simple as possible as far as costumes and props. I need to go through and simplify it even more. I want to have it up and on stage in a month, so watch out for that.

I've been watching the live Nintendo press conference from E3. I think the only thing more exciting is to actually NOT watch it. It's so boring, then again I haven't been brain washed by the wii yet so I really don't care much about the amazing new multi player online pokemon game coming out this year.

Back to work my pretties.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Grasping at Air

Yo peeps, howdy from the fall. I still feel like I'm aimlessly falling in a black void. I'm writing and working on stuff, and it sort of seems as if stuff is going in a direction, I just haven't fallen past any limbs or vines to grab onto yet. 

Apparently quitting your job to follow a dream is very good, because everyone says congratulations and that they are proud of me. That still doesn't make since in my head, I'm still processing this response. I don't feel like I should be congratulated, in fact I feel like I should be shook and asked what the hell I am thinking. Every time I tell someone I quit my job so I could be an actor or writer, I feel like a total douche bag. A regular paycheck is great. Health insurance is even better. I feel like people should be consoling me. I think I'm going to start telling people about my situation like this:

"I quit a good paying job with benefits and health insurance to stay home and stare at a computer and hope I can think of a way to make money in one of the most competitive and soulless industries man has ever created."

OK OK, I'm being a little over the top, what can I say; I'm bored right now. Here is what an unemployed dude looks like when he takes a break from writing his one-man show.

Also I'm not wearing pants in this picture.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

It's totally Black and White

I've got a show this and next Wednesday, both at 9:30 and both at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in NYC.

The show is a lot of fun. We do a totally improvized Film Noir. We all wear shades of grey, even make-up. Someone gets killed every show, what more could you ask for. It's only 5 bucks, so stop on by.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Toilet Humor, Literally

Happy July 4th! I just shot off some fireworks in my toilet, if you know what I mean.

Speaking of the toilet, I wanted to tell you guys about two commercials I saw back-to-back last night. Now I'm pretty sure that some one somewhere has the job of selecting the order of the commercials. It's not some enormous top-secret super commercial selecting computer in the basement of a government building. So seeing these two ads back to back made me wonder if there was a guy somewhere laughing his ass off. The first commercial in this tag team of awesome was an ad for Adult Diapers. Now that is sad and funny on it's own, but then they followed that ad up with an ad for laxatives. Not just any laxatives, but laxatives you take before you go to bed. That's like showing a condom commercial then showing an early pregnancy test commercial.

I thought it was pretty amazing that the planets aligned just right to have me in front of the TV at the precise time that magic moment happened. I mean the odds are astronomical that I would have seen such an ostentatious event. Fate and demeanor dictate that by all rights I should have changed the channel once the adult diaper commercial started, but for some reason I sat there and weathered the ad only to be treated to a laxative commercial. It was awe-inspiring. I would have needed an adult diaper if the next commercial was an ad for toilet cleanser or a commercial for Taco Bell.

There are those who do not believe in miracles, and to them I say neigh. Low I hath witnessed a miracle, and it was glorious.


Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Classy New Website

Howdy folks, if you've been here before you probably noticed that I redesigned the place. Put up some new wallpaper, shag carpet, and added a couple new rooms. I hope you like the new "classier" look. Now that I'm officially an unemployed writer/actor I felt like I should tear down that juvenile tiki themed website and construct a more mature one. A website that the high class web surfer could sit in front of, sip a snifter of brandy, and enjoy a nice book.

I'm all grown up now; I have to be more responsible. For all the people who are looking for crude jokes or dirty site gags, please direct your search into the gutter, because that’s where it belongs. Try googling trash. That's not me anymore. From here on out its obscure references and drawn out antidotes. Light up one of your Padilla Miami Cigar’s and let your bottle of 1985 Fattoria Viticcio Chianti breathe as you drink in the aged and improved NickGibbons.com. Take a deep breath....


...did somebody... oh man! One of you totally floated one in my new website! That sucks. I’m going to light a candle to get rid of the smell. Dude, did you have Indian for lunch? Please take look around and tell me what you think. I’ll try and get rid of this rancid odor; it smells like someone filled a month old dead midget with vomit.