Monday, June 30, 2008

Home Agian Home Again

Wanted to drop a quick note to say I'm planning on dropping a much longer note in a day or two. My trip is finally at it's end. I'm heading back to the ATL tomorrow. I have a ton of pics and for anyone interested I'll talk in depth about my trip.

California is a strange and wonderous beast to be sure.

Friday, June 20, 2008

My Space is Fo Suckas

It takes a big man to admit when he was wrong, so here I go. Tom Saville, you were right and I was wrong. Facebook is pretty cool. I still really don't know how to navigate or do some of the functions that Facebook has to offer, but the thing that tipped me over into the Facebook camp was the chat function. It's official, I will never get any work done ever again.

It's freaking awesome. It tells you who is online and you just click their face and you are chatting with them, unless they are punk bitches and ignore you. I'm looking at you Will Ferrell.

So My Space and their horrible new design can suck my ass.

Speaking of sucking my ass, I'm going to California next week. I'll be there way too long and I don't actually have concrete sleeping arrangements yet. I have a couple nights sorted out with friends, but my ace in the hole isn't in town while I'm there.

This trip really did pop up out of nowhere and I had to put it together really fast. It's for something I've wanted to do for a really long time and now that I'm actually doing it I'm scared shitless. That's right, I'm so scared that all my shit has evaporated. My colon is a vast dry deserted wasteland.

I've asked for suggestions from several people who've actually done what I'm going to do out there, and they've each given me completely different advice. So I've cobbled together a Frankenadvice Monster to utilize. That also means I had to completely rework all my materials and change the way I was thinking about what I'm doing. It's a very daunting task, but I have to do it and get my first one out of the way.

I'll talk about it when I get back in town, tell you what it was and how it went. Please send me happy thoughts next week, especially around 5pm on Tuesday.

I'm planning on going to the Channel 101 screening on Saturday. Then to the ASSSSSCAT show at the UCB Theater on Sunday night. It should be fun?

Keep your cyber fingers crossed.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Time Machine

I'm at home today. There's no work at for me at Radical right now, so I'm constructing weapons and sharpening knives at home to aid in securing my world dominating Nicktatorship.

I was listening to some tunes I used to play on my iPod as I wondered around the New York and it actually made me miss the city a little bit. Not living there mind you. It's a terrible place to live unless you have tons of expendable cash. But I have to say, just wondering around and looking up at all the buildings is awesome. As smelly, gross, disgusting, and nasty as the city is, it's still a pretty freaking cool place to just walk around.

I thought it might be fun for me to jump in my time machine and take a stroll down memory lane. Lets check out my last week in New York City. I set the flux capacitor for early January 2008, pressed down the accelerator and just hit 88 miles per hour!

Flaming skid marks Mahty! We've traveled through time!

First lets take a quick look at my last trip up to White Plains where I worked for 3 years at Blue Sky Studios to have lunch with my old work pals.

Is this a scene from a survival horror video game? Why no, it's the elevator I rode every day of my life for 5 years. This charming 4 by 4 metal room took me to the A train. There were 3 elevators down to the subway. One elevator had a "security" guard operating it 24 hours a day. One of them listened to classic rock on his "jam box" and the other was always angry at everyone. I liked the classic rock guy best.

Here we are, the 181st street stop. My stop on the A train.

Lets get a better look at the immaculately clean subway station.

The snozzberries taste like snozzberries! Go ahead take a lick.

Here comes my train.

It's Fonzi's favorite subway train.

I gave a homeless man a nickel to take my picture.

I'm not just doing this kick ass pose because the subway car was empty, this is how I normally rode the subway. It scared off potential muggers and rapists.

After getting off at 125th street, putting on my bullet proof vest, and running all the way across Harlem to the East side, I enter the train station.

This is where I waited to board a train to White Plains every day.

Here is a hastily thrown together panoramic view of what I stared at every morning for 3 years between 8 and 8:15 A.M. in a half asleep daze waiting for my train.

My trains here, toot toot.

I'm hitting the fast forward button on my Adam Sandler from the film "Click" remote control.

Here I am at lunch with my buddies from work. We went to an old Blue Sky haunt called James Joyce.

It even looks like they like me. Don't worry I know they don't.

These are my friends Jinyi and Kathy. As you can see Jinyi is a hard core Asian gangsta bitch and will not think twice about cutting your ass ancient ancestor style.

That night a bunch of my work peeps met me at a place called the Telephone Bar. I saw one of New York's famous smoke making tubes on my way there.

Most of the pictures from the evening of drinking are blurry so I'm not going to post them. Here's one of my good friends Jared. He's an amazing animator, storyboard artist and his ninja skills rival that of any 12 year old karate master.

The next night, my good friend Little Tommy Saville
met me out for a drink. We wondered around and decided to try the KGB bar. It was quiet and quaint. Recommended!

Next we went for a slice at my favorite NY pizza place, Two Boots. Generally they are just a slice place, but they have a sit down and get waited on style restaurant as well. It has fuzzy chairs and is always empty. Actually I think the restaurant version has changed into a strictly vegan place. It's still always empty.

We ordered a pizza, got tipsier, then proceeded to take ridiculous pictures. Here they are in no particular order.

Yes I am handsome aren't I?

Where's Tom?

I joined a pizza gang whist we were there.

Tom pasted out in some garbage, so I left him there. Oddly enough he pasted out right next to a door we found that had his name on it. This is the last I ever saw Tom. If anyone out there has any info on him please contact me.

I think, at the time, I had a "funny" idea for this picture, but I can't remember what it might have been. Feel free to leave a caption for it in the comments section.

Finally we met up with my wife at another bar we love. I can never remember the name of this bar, because it's usually the last bar we go to after an evening of bar hopping. Also, Mom, if you are reading this, please replace all every "bar" I use throughout this blog, with "library".

This place is awesome because you have to be quite.

If it gets to loud the bar tenders shush the entire place.
Here's Tom man handling my wife.

I love Tom.

We tried to grab one last, or two last rather because at this bar, McSorleys, they serve you two small glasses of beer at a time.

It was way to crowded so we called it a night.

I do miss certain things about the city for sure, not enough to ever want to live there again, but enough to visit.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

I'm Vivacious Bitch

My senior year in high school, I some how won the distinguished honor of being voted "Most Vivacious". When I found out that I had won, I immediately looked the word up in the dictionary. It means: Vibrant: vigorous and animated. I have decided to include this on my resume.

I wasn't one of the "popular" kids in high school. I did sleep with the entire football team, but that's for another blog entry. I marched to the beat of my own drummer. I was concerned about being liked by people, but that's a human trait which afflicts us all, especially in high school. I was more concerned with shooting stupid videos and trying to make people laugh. Come to think of it, not a lot has changed.

Being funny has always been one of the most important things to me. I would rather make someone laugh than win a stuffed animal any day of the week. That's why I was a tad confused when I was voted most vivacious. Don't get me wrong, it was an honor, and to be honest I'm not sure when the votes where cast, who voted, or that I was actually even in the running. A lot of my childhood memories are hazy though. Not from drug use or drinking, I just never had time to store anything in my head other than ideas for stupid videos I wanted to shoot.

I can remember, however, actually being upset that I didn't get voted "Funniest" senior. This left an indelible mark on my emotional time line. I don't remember the first girl I kissed, but I damn sure remember being pissed that some dude I never even met got voted funniest senior.

Part of the duties of the newly elected high school elite, was getting a photo for the year book with your female counterpart. We all met on a certain day and got paired up for our honorary year book spread. This was the first and so far, last time I would see the dude that was voted funniest. I had never met him or even heard of him until that moment. And after spending a day with him I was even more offended. Not once did he do, say, or pantomime anything even remotely amusing. I was confused to say the least. If this guy was so fucking hilarious, wouldn't I have heard of him? Wouldn't his exploits be talked about in the halloed hallways of our great and prestigious learning institution? Surely someone who was voted on by his peers unanimously as being the funniest person they knew at the time would have crossed paths with me at least once.

Oh well, there's no use living in the past. What's done is done. If I would have even been aware that this weird "funniest person" political race was being run, I would've put up a few posters, printed some buttons, or shook a few hands (with a hand buzzer of course).

If on the off chance the dude who won is reading this, let me just say congratulations. You ran a clean race, and it was an honor even being in the competition with you. It was a hard defeat for me, and in the end the people spoke. Maybe someday we will meet on the field of battle, cream pies in hand, and find out who's really the funniest senior. Until then, I bow to you good sir, and will serve you until my dying breath.


Apparently, according to my "friend" Derek, I think everything's awesome. Any time I'm describing something I'll say it's awesome. "That movie was awesome!", "This soup is awesome!", "My lust for human flesh is awesome!"

I suppose I do over use this word, but come on, it's an awesome word! It totally coveys the point I'm trying to get across. It says, "Hey jerk, listen to me, what I'm telling you about is very important and needs your undivided attention, it could very well change the way you think and or live!"

Maybe I need to start using some qualifiers before or after the word like, "This sausage is 'fucking' awesome.", or "It's 'mildly' awesome that the wart on my dick looks like Ghandi!"

I could use my patten pending "Wordnecting" technique. "I think squirrels wearing hats are awesomtastic!" or "That foreign object the doctor pulled out of my rectum was awesompendous!"

I guess it boils down to me training my friends. The longer I only use this word to describe things, my friends will start to develop the ability to discern between the different levels of awesome I'm describing. They will be able to tell from my inflection, my tone, and the look in my eyes, just how awesome the thing is that I'm describing. It will take some time and effort, like learning a new language, but damn it I'm worth it!

I just read through this blog again, it's awesome!

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Quick Fact #451

FACT #451

10 out of 10 people who text while driving are 100% fucking douche bags.

Happy Anniversary Fart Joke

It was two years ago that I uploaded this baby onto the interweb. Little did I know it would be ravaeged by fart loving content vultures all over the world. After it had been up for a while, I started to notice people were re-posting it on you tube, a concept I still don't understand. Why would a person pull a video from you tube, then re-upload it onto you tube. I can only imagine it's an attempt to take credit for my genius, and I have a pet nickname for these people. It's more of a term of enderment, but I often refer to them as "Ass Holes". It's cute, I know.

At any rate this video went world wide. My wife, one of the girls in the video, started to actually get noticed in the street because of it. The other girl was getting e-mails from friends and family that lived in other countries telling her that it had been forwarded to them.

I had successfully and unintentionally created a viral video. One that hasn't garnered me any attention, probably because like an idiot I didn't put my name on it anywhere. Oh well, live and learn I suppose. Just knowing I brought a smile to millions of faces is payment enough, someone with a better attitude might say.

I was a tad bored this morning, so in a fit of self congratulatory rage and obsessive compulsive narcissism, I searched the webernet for as many illegally reposted versions of my video as i could find. Then, using a calculator, I added up all the views. I got bored pretty fast, so I'm sure there are thousands more I missed. My final tally was 681,852 views.

So in honor of it's two year anniversary, here it is.... again. Enjoy.

Monday, June 2, 2008

I'm dying, again

If you didn't know already, I'm a bit of a hypochondriac. I'm sort of in the middle, enough to over react to anything that happens to my body, but not crazy enough to be on zany pills.

On my "I'm gonna die from this I know it" list this month.

1. Crazy bug bit on the back of my elbow. That's the inside bendy part. This scares me because it isn't like a regular bug bite(I'm assuming), and it's taking way to long (in my mind) to go away.

2. Pain in my lower left side gut area. Just started out of no where two days ago. Doesn't hurt if I'm not doing anything, but does if I move in weird ways. And I do that a lot. This sucks because it's under my new an improved fat belly, so when I press on the area that hurts to make sure it still hurts, I'm reminded of how fat I have gotten lately, which depresses me even more.

3. Tooth still tender. I'm convinced that something weird is going on in my mout that will spread to my brain.

That's all for this month, but we're only 2 days in, there's plenty of time to diagnose myself with many other deadly imaginary afflictions.

Me and the wife are fighting to tooth and nail against having to turn on our air conditioner. We've opened every window and, at last count, we have 3 fans pointed at our bed. I crawled into bed last night and realized I was in the middle of the perfect conditions for a tornado to form.

We don't want to turn on the air in order to save a few bucks on our electricity bill, but the pools of sweat forming around us whenever we stop moving for more than a minute are becoming to much. I think I might have to bite the freon bullet tonight.