Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Apartment Tour

My mom wanted to see the new apartment so I made another music video. It's sort of an homage to bands like The Pet Shop Boys. A very very bad homage to bands like The Pet Shop Boys.

Every time I make one of these videos my wife knows I wasn't trying to get a job all day, so please Atlanta, hire me before I make another shitty music video.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Happy Birthday Me!

I was bored today and decided to give myself a birthday present.

Please enjoy?

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The Anger Inside Is Making Me Angrier

You Tube sucks!

No wait, it really isn't their fault...

Mondo Media sucks!

No, I talked to them and it was an accident. Someone sucks here, and they are making me angry. I just don't know who to direct my blinding rage toward.

Here is the story. About a week ago I was looking through an old e-mail address that I never use anymore. It happens to be the default e-mail address for my You Tube account so I don't get 1000s of e-mails from You Tube telling me someone picked a boogar while watching one of my films.

I noticed a strange e-mail from You Tube that had the words "Copyright Infringement" in the subject line. I own all the copyrights to my work so this troubled me. It turns out a third party You Tube subscriber had branded one of my films as infringing on a copyright of theirs. I knew this was bullshit, so i tracked down a number for the guys that did it and left them a message. A day later they called me back and apologized for this mistake.

They told me to send in a contest e-mail to You Tube. The instructions for contesting a copyright infringement issue reads like Swedish Ikea Cabinet instructions. I sent an e-mail to You Tube that I believed included all the correct info, with a note saying I had physically talked to Mondo Media and they had said it was their mistake.

2 days later I get a robotically generated letter saying I didn't provide enough information for You Tube to process my request. It was signed Harry, which i guess was the robots name. Maybe H.A.R.R.Y. stood for "Half-assed Android Retard Response from Youtube" I'm starting to feel like I did something wrong when in fact I didn't. It has now become a huge hassle to get this problem corrected. Why do I have to jump through hoops to correct a problem created by someone else, that has admitted to creating the problem?

I sent in a heart felt response to the "Not enough info" e-mail from H.A.R.R.Y., stating that I had in fact talked to Mondo Media and they are more than willing to resend their copyright infringement accusation. Then I got the EXACT same e-mail back from the You Tube Robot.


I want to punch a hole in the internet.

After I tried to just upload the video again 3 times in a row under different names, only to be greeted with the same, "Rejected" notice; I reconstructed an e-mail with every last bit of info they could possibly need along with a snap shot of a mole on my ass, and sent it back to them. Now we play the waiting game, by Milton Bradly.

I know this seems like no big deal, but I don't have a job right now so it's all i have to focus my attention on at the moment.

Also if you haven't sent me a birthday card by today, it won't get here by tomorrow and you are a bad friend.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008


Global warming schmobal warming, I thought Atlanta was supposed to be hot. The second day we were here I over heard someone remark, "It never snows in Atlanta." Well in your face random stranger that I eased dropped on and possibly fabricated to make this blog seem like a bigger deal, it freaking snowed this week.

I have the pictures to prove it:

I grew up in Dallas Texas, and noticed anytime there was even a hint of inclement weather there was a panic resulting in the closing of businesses and schools. It could be one tiny snow flake and people would act like it was the end of the world. I though it was just Dallas, but sure enough a small amount of wintery weather sent Atlanta into a tailspin of gloom and doom. Schools closed, business shut down, and canned goods were ravaged from the shelves of grocery stores. The night of the great Atlanta blizzard of 2008, me and Nancy hopped in the car and grabbed some food at a restaurant. We drove on the completely safe roads and enjoyed a meal in a normally packed restaurant. No chains on the tires, parkas, or snow dogs needed.

The south needs to stop being such pussies about cold weather. In New York I had to go to work after 10 inches of snow had fallen. TEN INCHES! I know it was 10 inches because I had an erection and fell into a snow drift. Ok it was 6 inches, but still...

Monday, January 14, 2008

The Dirty South just got a little dirtier

After a week of non stop packing, driving, unpacking, cleaning, unpacking, arranging, unpacking and unpacking; we're finally settled into our new home.

Let me back up a little bit, since this all happened so fast. A little over a month ago Nancy applied for a job in Atlanta with the Atlanta Symphony. After a couple interviews we find out she got the job 4 weeks ago and she starts today. That gave us less than a month to pack, find an apartment, buy a car, and drive our crap in a huge truck from New York to Atlanta. All of this during Christmas. It was hella stressful but with a little elbow grease, a lot of plane tickets, and a lot more luck, we did it.

Nancy flew into Atlanta last week and in two days found us a great place and bought us a space ship to drive around in:

The rocket fuel is expensive, but it gets great light year mileage.

It all started her in our good old New York Apartment.

I picked our truck up Sunday morning at 9am, drove 150 blocks to our place and double parked. I asked four of my really good friends to help me move... one of them showed up. I started putting boxes in alone at around 10am and my buddy Jared showed up around 11:30 am to help out. I had loaded all the boxes in by myself by that time, so Jared helped put the really big stuff in.

Nancy flew back to New York that morning so she could ride in he truck with me. She arrived at the apartment around 1 pm.

Around 3pm we were pretty much done, so to pay Jared back for helping me, I dropped one of my paintings on his head, giving him a nice big gushing head wound. You're welcome Jared... you're welcome.

Me and Nancy picked up all the left over stuff and crammed it into our already full truck until about 4:30.

That's right folks, it took me 7 hours to load the truck. Nick not in good mood at this point. Nick starting to hulk out... ARRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!

Nancy is faking this smile.

We pile into the truck and head out on our journey. Nancy's friend Joann lent us her Tom Tom, to help make the drive smoother. It did the opposite at first. We get to the New Jersey turnpike and since we are in a truck we have to take the side of the highway that is for trucks only. Everything is going fine when all of a sudden the Tom Tom tells us to take the next exit. We do, because you don't argue with Tom Tom. It then makes us do a loop and puts us right back on the highway. It's a tolled highway BTW so we had to pay to exit. Once we are back on the highway and on the "Truck Side" the Tom Tom tells us to exit again. We exit, pay another toll, and do another loop getting back on the highway. At this point I figure out that the Tom Tom doesn't realize we are on the right highway, just about 30 yards to the left of it on the "Truck Side" and it wants us on the "Cars Side". Emotions boil over, things are said, faces are flush, long day gets longer.

We figure things out and continue on what, we're under the impression of, is the correct path. After about 4 hours we decide to find a place to stay for the night. The first place was 200 bucks, so we ask where to find the cheaper places. They told us and we made our way to find food and cheaper lodgings. FYI, it's very difficult to drive a 16 foot truck through a Wendy's drive thru, possible but difficult.

We end up at a Holiday Inn and crash for the night. We wake up, eat breakfast, and hop in the truck to finish out our trip. Unfortunately, while moving my overnight bag, I cut the ever loving snot balls out of my left index finger on my razer which was sticking out of the bag. It begins spouting fountains of blood, which makes me a bit queasy. So, first stop, drug store for band aids.

After dressing my wounds we are on our way. 10 hours later we arrive at Nancy's friend Joanne's house, just a half hour away from Atlanta to stay the night. Joanne was out of town but her husband Keith was there and grilled us some amazing hamburgers. It was a very welcoming and relaxing night after such a stress filled couple of weeks and days. I was just glad me and Nancy's spousal abuse bruises weren't visible and mostly emotional, or Keith might have called the cops to have us arrested. Nancy and I punch because we love.

The next day we found our way to our new home. It's a four-plex in a very nice neighborhood. Nancy hired some movers to unload the truck, thank god. These two guys did what took me 7 hours in about an hour and a half... showoffs.

It looks like we are on the second floor, but we're actually on the first. There's a basement under us. It's very hard to explain. All the other tenants enter from the front, but we go in through the back. It's awesome because there's a huge parking area that no one but us ever really uses. Oh yeah, and we have a screened in porch to rock in our rocking chairs, sip mint juleps and fan ourselves as we remark on the hot weather.

Here is our place pre-unpacked.

Here are a couple of views from our porch.

Panoramic of our living room:

Now here is our place cleaned up and shiny.

I'm in the process of transforming our screened in porch into a tiki palace. I stapled burlap on the exposed walls this weekend and am in the process of hanging up African masks and pretty much anything else I can find. If anyone out there has tiki, tribal or nautical crap they want to get rid of, please send it to me. Seriously.

Now I have to find a job and start making money so we can live the high profile Atlanta lifestyle.

One of my last days in New York I rode the subway and was alone for several stops. So I took some picks. Goodbye New York, it was fun while it lasted. Smelly, loud, rat infested, over crowded, disease covered, expensive fun.

Thursday, January 10, 2008


That's right chumps, me and my old lady up and moved to Atlanta when no one was looking. We've been unpacking and getting things kick ass for the past couple of days. I already have my application in for a couple of different gangs. Here is my gang head shot.

I hope I get into the Crips, they have better dental.

I am really behind in posting because for the past three weeks we have been feverishly getting things in order for the move. I'll post a better blog once we are all settled in and have internet hook ups.

Love you guys and talk to ya soon.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Planes Hate Me

Happy New Year everyone!

Me and the wife went to Texas last week to spend a wonderful week with our loving relatives during the festive time known as Christmas. We flew in Christmas Eve and flew back New Years Eve because when we tried to move the dates of our plane reservations in any other direction, it practically doubled the ticket price.

Flying in on Christmas Eve wasn't so bad, in fact it was amazingly simple. We left at like 6pm and there was no one in the airport at that time. It was nice and relaxing. The plane ride was great and we actually took off and landed right on time.

Coming back was the one that sucked big red inflamed camel balls. Because we were trying to save money on our tickets, we got saddled with the delightful return home time of 7:55 pm with a scheduled arrival time in New York City of 11:59pm... HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I have to say, the flight was really smooth. We took off on time and the steward person even gave us a free drink because it was New Years. I know you can all sense a problem coming up right? Why the heck would I be talking about another flight in my blog if it went great right? Where's the fun in that?

Here's the problem. We get to New York and start our decent. As we got closer to the ground the plane starts speeding up and slowing down. Next we notice we are not approaching the ground any more, but instead, climbing. That's when Nancy looks at me, her paranoid scared husband, and says, "That doesn't feel right."

Thanks Nancy.

After a minute or two the Captain comes on the speaker. He's very calm and sound like he's taken half a bottle of Valium. He informs us all that the "Landing Flaps" aren't working and they are going to try to fix them and land again. After about 5 minutes he comes back on and tells us that they can't seem to get them to work, so we have to land at JFK. Nancy tells me it's because the landing strip at La Guardia is to short. The pilot tells us it's the prudent thing to do to land at JFK and that the situation is fluid. I still don't know what a "fluid situation" meant. He must have been talking about the piss in my pants. Each time the pilot talks over the speaker, he ends his information with, "So as you can imagine, it's pretty busy up here."

About 15 minutes later we are at JFK and approaching the ground. We land without much incident, however all along the sides of the landing strip were fire engines, ambulances, and cop cars. The landing seemed fine.

It totally sucked to be at JFK at 1 am, but at least we didn't crash into the ocean. Good with the bad I suppose. We grabbed our bags hopped in a cab. 60 bucks later we were home at 2 am.

I know it's going to be a good year, because I survived the first 30 minutes.

I'll have a bunch of new picture blogs soon, but we are moving right now and that is taking up my blogging time.