The End is Nigh

Here we are finally. The last blog about my California trip. I never thought we'd make it, but here we are.

It's officially Sunday and my head isn't pounding to hard from the previous nights liquid fun intake. Today I'm heading to Anaheim to spend the day with my good friend Mike Hagan, his wife Cathy, John Flynn and Mickey Mouse. First I drop the girls off at a pub on 5th Street. They are meeting their mom and a couple of other folks to watch a soccer game or match, I'm not to good with the sports. I sit with them for a couple of minutes then excuse myself around noon so I can meet my friends at Disney Land. On the way I make a quit pit stop at the In and Out Burger. If my wife asks it was for some scientific research.

After rushing my tests results over to the lab, I headed to the happiest place on earth. Unfortunately the liquor store was closed, so I went to Disney Land instead. If you squint you can see it off in the distance.

I met my friends, took out a loan, bought my ticket, and got ready to feel the magic.

If you know me very well, you know I've been to Disney World over 20 times. I'm like a little kid when it comes to Disney theme parks. OK I'm like a little kid when it comes to everything, especially tying my shoes. I love going to the park because it makes me feel young and care free. I think they really go out of their way at Disney to make you forget about the big bad world just outside the gates. There really is no other place like them, except maybe heaven, but the lines way to long for that place.

Here we are in front of the, well of what they call Cinderella's Castle. All I can say is this tiny thing ain't got nothing on Cinderella's Castle at the Florida park. It made me feel tall.


It was hot as blazes outside. The good thing was there weren't many people at the park.

Here we are on one of the many roller coasters.



I forgot to shave.

Toon Town is a lot different at the California park than it is at Florida. It's much larger in California.


I found out that cartoons are really hard and plastic feeling. I always thought they would be soft and rubbery, like Oprah.

Here I am in my Honda Fit.

John seems to have sat on the remote control. Every time he farted the channel changed.

My direction for Mike and Cathy was to look like Mike was mad at Cathy about the bills. They did great. I thought when Mike started slapping Cathy it was a bit overboard, especially because he did it for several hours.

Those bars were rubber so people could bend them, or they were steal and I'm one strong mother fucker.

Playing this instrument really seems to have worked Mike up into a sweat.

Mickey was nice, until he said he'd suck my dick for some cheese. Mickey needs help, maybe a 12 step program.

This wasn't part of Toon Town, this is John's apartment.

There was a tiny roller coaster in Toon Town, here's a birds eye view from the coaster.

We literally stopped for 3 seconds to look at this wizard dudes show, and he called John up to be in the show.


He told him to pull the sword out of the stone, but John could not do it. Pussy.

So he made him stand in a silly pose until he found someone that could pull it out.


He picked the girl from Little Miss Sunshine.

She did it and apparently was the new Queen or some stupid shit. Kids get to do all the cool stuff, it's not fair. That's why I pushed her down later and stole her crown. Who's queen now jerk!

They make you wear these in the park and if you go in a restricted area your head blows off.

We all had a special moment with this guerrilla, the guerrilla was a whore.



We stayed until 9pm and watched the fireworks. It was awesome. Thanks Mike and Cathy for showing me such a great time, and thanks for not raping me John. Again.

The next day I didn't have anything to do so I took a bike ride.

This was my horn.

Vanessa and Noelle have a beautiful little neighborhood.

I kept shouting coordinates, but I never could sink this battleship.

Beach.


I liked the place so much I opened up a little shop.

That night I had dinner with the girls then we watched National Treasure Book of Secrets. I was upset Nick Cage never put on a bear suit, but what can you do?

The next day I hopped on a jet and made my way back home, thus ending the longest trip to California and the longest blog about a trip to California ever. I need to send a special shout out to Vanessa and Noelle for being such great hosts. Thanks for not kicking my over staying house guest ass out after the first couple of days.