Monday, May 12, 2008

Beard Deconstruction Week

It's time for my beard to take a hike. Each day this week I plan on slowly removing my face fungus. I'll start by leaving it be for now.

MONDAY: The Drifter

I can tell all of you are on the edge of your seats. It's exciting isn't it? OK smart ass why don't you tell me about your exciting day?

My friend Sam told me he only likes reading my blog when I'm angry about something. OK Sam, get ready because this is your favorite version of me, Angry Nick.

I've noticed in this fare city of Atlanta, as the days get warmer, more and more people are driving with their windows down. I've also noticed that 1 in 3 of these drivers is blasting really shitty hip hop as loud as their little factory installed speakers will go. I'm not even talking about punk kids here, I'm talking full grown men and women. Seriously? You can't enjoy your music unless it's painful? I'm all for rocking out with my cocking out, but it's no fun being in a confined space, having a wall of semi distorted sound being shoved into your ears.

I'd like to tell all those idiots that no one thinks they're cool because they have mastered the ability to operate the volume on their car radio. Man has had the skill to turn knobs on simple machinery in the bag for thousands of years now, and it has since lost it's grandeur. I say I'd "like" to tell them, but their ears are probably ringing so bad they wouldn't hear me.

Another point I'd like to impart upon these musical marauders is that every person on the planet has their own personal taste in music. Sure there are several people that may like the same songs you do, but the odds of you pulling up to them at the exact time they are in the mood to hear the song you are cramming into their ears, are astronomical at best.

Here's my favorite part about these people. And trust me, they ALL do this. It's human nature to look in the direction of a loud noise. Loud noises have been proven scientifically to be the one thing that frightens everyone. So it's natural for a person to glance over at an area where loud music is playing. Now I've tested this, and no matter what look I have on my face, upset, frustrated, or even happy, the driver ALWAYS stares at me as if I'M doing something wrong. As if the fact that I heard their music and responded to it was a horrible social faux pa. How dare I acknowledge they are enjoying horrible music at insane decibels.

It's like the chic that wears a really tight low cut shirt. She obviously wants you to look at her boobs, but acts offended when you do. I hate that to.


sam said...

ok I'll stop wearing low cut shirts so you will stop looking at my man-boobs.

For the record: I did not say that I like it when you're angry (except in bed). What I like is when there is a story where somethning stupid or crappy happens to you, and you tell us about it. Is that the same?

Nick Gibbons said...

You had me at man-boobs.

dicky van tastic said...


You are officially an old man. I'll see you at Denny's this week for the Senior Early Bird Dinner deals.

I think maybe the look they're giving back to you is in response to the beard.
"What Tolstoy doesn't dig my tunes?"

I'll make you some cd's you can play back at them. Maybe some fucked up German industrial music or something. When you get the same looks you've been giving others, then happily wave and say, "yeah I know, its really cool huh?"

miss you pumpkin,..Dicky

M. E. Davis said...

Make a little sticker that goes on your passenger window. When you pull up and look over, roll up your window to reveal the message.

Ideas for the message:
You are a douche and so is your DJ.
Even Timbaland would be embarrassed for you.
Your music sucks when you aren't stoned.
Your radio is loud. Retard.
I wish my window was soundproof.

Nick Gibbons said...

That's an awesome idea!!

I'm afraid I would only get to do it once though, the bullet will shatter my windshield.

I thought of a good one:
"You are much cooler than me"