Saturday, December 19, 2009

Happy Holidays everyone. We bought a hat for the dog, the look on her face is utter disgust and embarrassment.

Hope everyone has a great holiday, be safe and wear reflective clothing when you go trick or treating.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Earlier Every Year

We've been leaving the dog out of her doggy jail during the day, to see if she can stay out of trouble while we're away. We've let her run amuck in the living room and kitchen a couple of times and she's been pretty good. She didn't make any long distance calls or throw any wild parties.

Last week we let her out all day while we were at work. Unfortunately the bus that Nancy usually takes home had been canceled and I had to pick her up from work. This meant we didn't make it home until around 8pm. Once we arrived home I got out of the car and headed to the mailbox. Nancy went into the house. After opening the door she exclaimed, "Oh no!" I immediately had visions of our house being covered in Chewy's signature 7 layer dip.

I made my way to the house preparing for the worst. What I discovered was a living room floor completely covered in white cotton. It looked like it had snowed in our living room. I'm kicking myself for not documenting it with photos. On the floor amid the sea of soft whiteness was one of our couch pillows, hemorrhaging its billowy fluffy entrails.

At first I was mad because I thought she had ripped the pillow open from stem to stern. Using my junior CSI Miami kit, I pronounced the pillow DOA and quipped, "This is what happens when you get sick on Thanksgiving, you lose your stuffing.", then I ripped off my sunglasses. The pillow was not in fact ripped apart, Chewy was nice enough to unzip it in order to extract it's puffy payload. She is a lady after all. We shoved all the stuffing back inside the pillow and zipped it up.

After we cleaned up all the fuzz, we realized that Chewy was just trying to help us decorate the house for Christmas. We decided to continue what Chewy started and put up our Christmas decorations.

I drew a schematic and planned out the design. It was quite a feat, seeing as we only have one outlet outside. We had already started stock piling lights, ornaments, and everything else we would need to create our holiday beacon.

Finally on Sunday we were ready. All we needed was a ladder, so I could get up on the roof. We drove to the place we spend a majority of our time at now that we own a house, the Home Depot. Owning a Honda Fit somewhat limits the length of items one can purchase. We bought a 10 foot aluminum ladder and crammed it into our clown car.

THE DECORATING WAS ON!

We have gutters around the house which makes it tough to maneuver onto the roof. Our new ladder stopped about a foot and a half short of the top of the house. I was able to monkey myself onto the roof with little incident.

I finished up my light hanging and it was time to descend. Either I'm a lot older and timid than I used to be, or I just seriously misjudged my abilities, but I couldn't figure out how to get off the roof without killing myself. No matter how many times I told Nancy that the gutter would fall off if I tried to get down, she still kept saying, "Just get down already." My "cat's get stuck in tree's" all the time defense had little to no effect weakening her resolve. Luckily our neighbor across the street was on his roof as well. After quite a bit of cajoling, I persuaded/forced Nancy to go over and ask to borrow his ladder.

He brought his ladder over and saved Christmas! Thanks Brad.

And now without further ado here are the pictures of the winter wonderland we created.

Hard at work.

This is how Chewy helped out.

That ain't Santa, although I'm not far behind him in the bowl full of jelly department.

That's right, I always decapitate enemy snowmen and place their heads on stakes in front of my castle.

Hey Charlie Brown... jealous?

Waiting to be rescued. Please, throw up some food, I'm wasting away.



Take that Christmas!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Archer Promo

The first couple of weeks I was working on Archer, they were putting together promos for the show. I threw one into the mix and they liked it. Low and behold it got made and below these letters is the final product.

Be sure to check the show out this coming January, it's a funny show.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Re-Issue Tuesday

I almost forgot I did this. It's been about a year, it ain't perfect, but I'm still darn proud of it.

STATS:
By myself in a small room + One Month + Photoshop and Final Cut Pro =

Sunday, November 1, 2009

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

I know technically it's the day after Halloween, but this video I made was way to scary to post on the real Halloween. If you don't like scary stuff please please please do not watch this. You've been warned.
video
Also here are me and Nancy's pumpkins for the past 3 years:

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Time and Success

OK, I believe you now. I apologize for all the times I gave you a bad time about not meeting me at the bar, not making it out to one of my shows, or not being able to just come over hang. Now that I have a full time job, a house and a dog (the dog for this instance will pose as my child, just a little less hairy than my actual kid will be)

Where the hell does the time/energy go? I get home, eat dinner, spend time with the wife, play with dog, relax for a beat and it's time for bed. And when I have time to get on the computer to try and write, edit, or blog it up, sitting in front of a computer after doing it all day seems silly. I don't want to believe I've just grown up and this is what it's supposed to be like. I want/need to still have the drive to create and do funny stuff. I still have that, it's there in my soul. I can feel it kicking. It's just buried under mountains of responsibility. Even my weekends get filled up with crap that is or isn't in my control. I'm chasing my personal dreams and it feels like that tunnel in Poltergeist that just kept getting longer and longer.

I guess it all comes down to time management, or maybe I'm just selfish. For so long I've done what I wanted to every second of the day. I chased my wants and needs, not having to worry about who it effected. That was fine when I was young and single, but if I want to find the true meaning of existence, I think I may have to let that go. Hell may be other people, but heaven is what you make it.

I've done a lot of thinking about levels of success, and what I thought success was or meant for me. Sure I want to sell a screenplay or write for a tv show, but if that doesn't happen am I a failure? Have I given up if I don't?

I'm not dead yet and all those things may still come to pass. Hopefully I have a lot of time left to find that out, but at the core of everything I'm happy. I am truly happy. I love my life and the crazy stuff I've gotten to do because of it. I love my wife and she supports me wholeheartedly. I have an amazing and wonderful family. I have a ton of great friends and acquaintances all over the world. I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and can afford the occasional extravagance. Is there more? I think we all could do well to step back out of our own heads, climb on top of that huge warped idea of personal success road block we have constructed. Peer around the lofty goals we've set for ourselves and take a good look at what we do have. What we have accomplished. I bet you'd be surprised at all the positives in your life you overlook each day. It's all perspective. No matter how much you think you don't have, there is always someone with less.

So if you ask me if I feel successful, I will say yes. And I'll meet you at the bar when ever you can. No hurry, it's just good to know you are there.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Special Message

I know it's been a while since I posted a blog, and I'm sure you're really pissed off about it mom. I've just been super busy at and outside of work. I hope this special message from Dan Aykroyd will help.
video
Very true Dan, very true.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Rich Little of the Canine Community

Taking after her dad, my little baby is becoming a comedian. Here she is doing her best Flying Nun impression. For a second you actually think you're watching a young Sally Fields.
video

Monday, September 7, 2009

Induced Labor Day

I almost didn't have a labor day, luckily I induced it and am have a great day!

I've been busier than a one armed man in some sort of contest that requires two arms to really have any chance at all of winning. I can't decipher who needs more attention, my wife, the dog, the job or the house. They all of coarse run a close second to myself. It's not really my fault, I am a narcissistic self absorbed artist after all.

Over the past couple of weeks we put up a fence in the backyard. The new fence partitions off a section of the yard where Nancy wants to plant a big garden. Plus that side of the yard had a picket fence in through which the dog had been planning a prison break every since we got her. Seriously, she's covered with tattoos of schematics.

Here are a couple snappy snaps of the fence building shenanigans:

Nancy "The Cement Mixer" Crowder

POST!

We didn't realize until it was too late that there was a big ol' tree trunk right where we needed to dig our last post hole. Here I am using all the wrong tools and all the wrong words to violently dig out a hole.

Nailing pickets to 2x4's is fun and not at all a pain in the ass.

When building a fence in the summer in Atlanta, this is your most important tool.

Nancy is a hypochondriac.

I dun it!

GATE!

Now all I need is a midget version of Tim Allen to give advice to.

OK kids, I gotts ta write a script while I have some time on the old computing device. This is me saying, "I WILL fence you in damn-it!"

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Dog, Secret Agents, and Balls

As a lot of you are well aware, we adopted a rescue puppy/baby starter kit a week ago. We got her from a no kill shelter called Atlanta Pet Rescue. She is a Wiener crossed with a Pug. A Piener in other words. We named her Chewy and she is the most adorable little alien on Earth. Don't click HERE if you have eaten recently, because her cuteness will make you vomit rainbows.

Here is a quick note about the job I started last month. I'm project managing a show at Radical Axis for the creators of Frisky Dingo called Archer. It's really funny and really wrong. My two favorite things. You can read all about it HERE and HERE. The people working on the show are very talented and I'm learning a lot of useful stuff. The show is going to premiere in October after It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, which is an amazing time slot. Hopefully it will get picked up for more episodes, we are only slated for 6 at this point. Also there is a clip of the first scene from the pilot HERE!

I'm also writing and working on a new show with my very funny improviser buddy Randy Havens. It's a Tenacious D style show about two motivational speakers. They are over the top and very unconventional, but they get the job done. They are pretty much self absorbed jerks, but they are best friends. We shot a commercial for their organization and the commercial alone should inspire you to get off your lazy ass and do something!



More to come my pets.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

What happened to my free time?

Buying a house, getting a 50 hour a week job, and adopting a dog really does eat up your free time. I went from being unemployed with nothing to do all day, to having a metric ton of responsibility within a week. I'm surprised my time doesn't have whip lash.

Well my dog just peed on the floor and I have a frozen pizza in the oven, so the small block of time I tried to secure for this blog is dwindling fast. At this point I'm going to just post a quickie photoshop automatic photo gallery to show you picks of our house. From white walls to a rainbow of fruit flavors. It's a down and dirty way to do these internets, but it saved me bookoos of time.

To see the new digs click HERE!

So far this new house has helped me develop a hate/love relationship with Ikea.

I'll post pics of our cute as all get out new pooch, Chewy, as soon as I can.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Busy busy busy

Long story short, got new job, bought a house, adopted a dog.

Here is a horrible cell phone picture of our newest family member, Chewy:

We don't have internet at our house yet and i have no time at work to do crap like blog, but I promise tons of pictures to come.

Miss you, love you.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The End is Nigh

Is anyone else worried that Michael Jackson is going to rise from the grave with an army of undead, bloodthirsty, choreographed, brain eating zombies? I mean it was prophesied in the thriller video. I'm buying shotgun shells just in case.

Don't worry to much though, if the zombies are all dancers, it's a pretty sure thing that they will be taking a lot of smoke breaks. This will give you extra time to run away.

Here is another sign that this may happen, Capcom just released the cover for their next installment of the Resident Evil franchise:

Don't worry, I've already called down to reserve my room in hell.

UPDATE:
I was just wondering when MJ died, did he revert back to his pre-surgery state? Like when you kill a werewolf and it turns back into a human.

Also, hell just called back and is reserving an entire floor for me.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

The Client Has Chosen You

I was trolling Craig's List last week for job leads and came across a strange listing in the tv/film/video/radio jobs section. It was just titled "Green Screen". I clicked the link and found out they were looking for all body types and ages for "green screen" work. I totally fit those parameters, plus they were paying 75 dollars for two hours of work.

They didn't want head shots or resume's, just a full body picture. I sent them this:

I know... I know, totally sexy right?

I figured what he hell. After a day or two I received an e-mail from them, informing me that the "client" had chosen me. I was to be at the studio between 2pm and 4pm the following Tuesday.

It all seemed very ominous. I had no idea what it is for (and still don't) or what I would be doing. I couldn't help but picture a shadowy figure in the back of the room, smoking a cigarette and talking through a microphone that distorted his voice. He would lean forward into the microphone and say things like, "Mr. Gibbons, I need you to bend over and pick up that gun in front of you... slower... with conviction... think about a puppy... ", sounding like the dude from all 87 Saw movies.

On Monday I got a call from them telling me to wear dark clothing. They also wanted to know if it was OK if they had me walk on a treadmill. At first I thought this might be a very elaborate hoax by my wife to get me to do some exercise.

This afternoon I drove to the studio which was in a pretty shady part of town. For all intents and purposes I could have been going to an alien landing site to be eaten by space creatures and no one would have ever known.

I pulled up and parked in front of the warehouse. After walking into literally 4 of the wrong offices, I finally found the right building. I signed the waver and was lead to a big open studio with a huge green screen.

The producer told me where to stand as 7 people entered the room and sat in directors chairs to watch. They never said a word. I was told to stand there and act as if I was at a bus stop. I did. Then they told me to change into the cargo shorts I was instructed to bring. I was again directed to stand there.

As a performer, it was very difficult. I had to really reach down inside and pull out several very real, very painful memories of situations where I was just standing around in order to really make my performance read. It was some of my best work.

Ten minutes from the time I arrived I was leaving, $75 bucks richer. That means I was making $450 dollars an hour... sort of. It's tough work being a paid actor. I can see why actors are always bitching and moaning about their life.

Monday, July 6, 2009

CIVIL WAR!

A while ago I did a test spot for Adult Swim. Here is that very spot:

It was the inspiration for the Night-OH-Cabaret spot that followed. Also still looking for work, so if you need a copy writer, writing assistant, video editor or monkey to turn the handle on your organ grinder let me know.

Friday, July 3, 2009

New Segment

I have wanted to do this for a while, and now I have gone and done it. Enjoy:
video

Land Mime

I'm playing a mime/assassin in an improv show tonight at Dad's Garage here in Atlanta. It's an improvised soap opera that takes place in a circus. It's the 8th or 9th show and I'm a guest player. It should be a lot of fun, so if you are in the ATL stop on in tonight.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Seriously, dude... seriously

I'm grabbing all my blog readers by their collar, all 5 of you, and pulling you dramatically to me. Our noses are inches away as I stare into your eyes with a desperate gaze. I grit my teeth and say, "I'm begging ya man, help me get some work!"

Tightening my grip on your shirt I shake you for effect. You uncomfortably look away from my piercing stare. I raise my hand forcing your head to turn slightly, reconnecting or eyes. You can hear the immediacy in my voice as I plead, "Seriously, dude, you have got to know of someone, heard about something, anything. I just need a little help to get some work man." My cadence is strong and fearless.

I let go of you, sinking your tip toed stance back into its normal full foot/floor contact. You step back, shaken by my emotional plea. Rubbing your forearm you nervously search your mind, thinking, reaching back for something. You want to say something that might placate my needs. But don't.

All the times before when I asked, you dismissed me with the normal conversational formalities. You would automatically, almost dismissively, utter, "Yeah yeah man, I'll see if I can find anything or hear anything." Then you would go back to your self absorbed daily grind. I'm not condemning you for this. I do the same thing hundreds of times a day. We all do. It's our nature to want to please people with empty sentiment.

I'm am asking you all to break from the natural human need to appease everyone with empty promises. There are a lot of you out there that know me. You know that I am smart and talented. You know I can do a lot of different things. All I am asking is for you to take a second, think about it, and see if you know of somebody who may be looking for someone.

Just thought I'd ask for some work leads in as entertaining a way as I could. Thanks internet friends. BTW I'm looking for writing, editing, acting or production work in the Atlanta area, but will pretty much take anything at this point.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Done

I did it and will be posting all the comments and responses soon. Unfortunately facebook blocked me from posting right before 5 o'clock. They said I was posting to much and possibly in violation of some stupid facebook law. Up yours facebook.

Postapaloosa '09

I'm trying to leave a comment on every status update that pops up on facebook today from 9am to 5pm EST. Not sure why, not sure if I'll make it, and still not sure after 10 years exactly who let the dogs out.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Fun With Crappy Cell Phone Camera

Was at the mall yesterday and saw that somebody had taken a P.

Not real sure what this magazine is talking about.

This is a Great Time to be Alive, Unfortunately

I had the realization that we're living life way to fast. We are accessible 24 hours a day on our cell phones and just seconds away from all the knowledge in the universe. By the time a person reaches the age of 50, they have probably seen and done 10 times as much as someone the same age from just 30 years ago.

Think about it, if you want to get together with 4 friends for dinner, all you do is text or e-mail them 30 minutes beforehand. If you don't know how to get to the restaurant you just type the address into your GPS.

Thirty years ago you would have to plan a meeting like that days in advance. You would call your friends on their home phone. If they weren't there you would have to keep calling until they answered. They would check their schedule and have to get back to you. You would have to wait for them to call you back. If you didn't know how to get to the restaurant you would have to look up it's number in the phone book, call, and ask for directions. If they gave you bad directions and you got lost you would have to stop and ask someone for directions.

Flash back 30 more years and the same situation would take even longer. It's pretty crazy to think about.

Are we any smarter because of this? No, unfortunately our new instant access world wide communication abilities have just turned us into a bunch of self absorbed narcissistic attention whores. I mean, you're reading my blog right now. I'm sitting in my boxer shorts typing this in an attempt to get attention. I actually believe people give a shit about what I have to say. And the best part about this is, you have the ability to comment about what I have to say, as if I gave a shit about what you have to say. It's a vicious circle of selfish egotism.

I know nobody cares about what I have to say. I'm a self aware narcissist, and yet I can't seem to stop myself from being sucked into the belly of the beast. I don't think a lot of people are aware of their own "issues" or problems. It doesn't seem that way at least. Maybe they are and they just don't want to deal with them. Fair enough I suppose.

I'm all to aware of each and every one of my flaws, and there are a lot. I even try to fix them from time to time. Not very successfully, but I do try.

My point, I guess, is that even though we are living faster, learning more, and experiencing tons of things, we as a people aren't any better off for it. I'm not very smart. I want to be, but I'm not. I'm sitting in front of this magical infinite knowledge machine, and yet all I choose to do with it is look up info on video games and porn. I could read every volume of the encyclopedia, learn to fix an engine, or figure out what creates a black hole, but instead I'm reading about the new iPhone.

I suppose a person is shackled to their interests. I love movies, video games, and comedy. In turn that is what defines my internet searches. You may love horses and back surgery, and that determines what you search. I'm not sure why we pigeon hole ourselves into such narrow minded life paths. Maybe it's because we have been conditioned to need labels placed on things in order to understand them. It's easier to say that a song is "country", than saying it's a blue grassy, jazz infused, northern Ireland inspired, bass heavy, rhythmic exploration. We need generalized boxes in which to put our lives. Unfortunate this leads to us putting ourselves into those very boxes.

I get so angry when I'm out with people that won't try different food. They have three things they eat and turn their noses up at anything different. I'm not sure when it happened to me, but I know there was a time when I was the same way. One day I opened my mind and tried something new. It was amazing and now I have eaten so many delicious things from every corner of the globe. It opens your eyes to culture and diversity. That's not to say I have liked everything I've eaten, but at least I've tried. Saying "No" really limits your life even with something so seemingly trivial as food.

OK I'm rounding home now. Bottom line, we have the chance to open our minds. This is a glorious time to be alive as far as knowledge goes. I'm going to try to read a web page everyday that is out of my narrow cone of interests. I want to broaden my knowledge and my perspective and I'm politely asking you to follow me.

Just because we have the abilty to be more awesome, doesn't mean we are.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Media Blitz

The big show's finished. The lights have faded, the curtain's been drawn, and the vomit has been steamed out of the carpets. I thought I'd post some snippets from the media frenzy that surrounded the event. We worked our fingers to the bone to get coverage for this event and it literally did about as good as yelling into a toilet. Oh well.

Here is Part 1 and 2 of a video interview we did for
Pegasus News.

Just a side note, I'm not that fat, the camera guy had the bad posture lens attached and we didn't notice until after the interview.

Our Interview on The Richard Hunter Show. It was a live remote from a strip club by the way.
video
And last but certainly not least, a nice shout out from Dana Snyder on his weekly podcast The Ken P. D. Snydecast.
video


The show really was great, I just wish more people could have enjoyed it.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Squirrels, Fishers, and find me a job

When I was in Dallas last week, Ricki and I shot some video stuff for the Cabaret show. Our film maker buddy Clay Liford let me use the edit bay in his apartment to cut the video stuff together.

While I was tirelessly toiling away at Final Cut Pro, I noticed that there was something moving outside the window directly to my left. It turned out to be a squirrel on the window upon closer inspection. He was eating a leaf. I got right up to the window and the little guy didn't even flinch. I decided to snap a picture with my crappy cell phone.

It turned out OK, but I wanted to get closer. I tapped on the window to see what he would do. All he did was look at me, then start licking the glass. I took another picture of him doing this and I will forever be kicking myself for not having a better camera on me.

Me and Ricki decided to make some new video pieces for the 10th anniversary of the Cabaret. We thought instead of making silly fake commercials we would make videos involving actual characters from the past 10 years of the show.

One of the characters that I loved doing was a jazz musician called Fisher T. Price. I wanted to base a character off of all these toy instruments I had been buying at he time, thus a jazz great was born. We decided it would be funny if this character had actually died and we had made a memorial video about him. I added a couple of scenes to this version that weren't in the live screening, please enjoy:

It's back to trying to find a job. Me and the wife are inches away from closing on our first house. It's not the biggest house on the block, but it will be ours. I'm excited about all the free shoes we will inevitably be getting because our house is so small that people will keep mistaking it for a shoebox.

At any rate, a job would be great so I can help pay the mortgage each month. Keep your fingers crossed out there, thanks.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Thanks!

The show was absolutely amazing!

I wanted to say thanks to all of you brave souls that attended. We worked really hard on putting the show together. I might have developed an ulcer in the process. It was all worth the trouble. Hope you all enjoyed it.

Dana Snyder rocked the house. He was great as usual and I can't say enough nice things about him. Me and Ricki had lunch with him the following Sunday. He's one of the nicest guys I've ever met. Thanks again Dana for helping us entertain the masses.

Wanted to thank Sam "Sammy" Mertes for working the DVD player. I hate asking my friends to work our shows, but with our non existent budgets, it's sort of impossible not to call on your buddies to help out. You did great Sam and we really appreciate it. You are and will always be my best friend.

Richard "Dickie Vantatsic" Ross did a great job with the props and as Shekkie's blind rim shot provider. Thanks for always lending a hand and not complaining, even when we force you to wear a diaper on stage. Also please buy Richards paintings so he can feed his new baby. The baby eats money.

Thanks to Kelly Kitchens for helping us spread the word about the show. Our show is hard to explain and we have no idea how to do PR, so we really appreciate it when you provide your services, no matter how many tickets you need. Also, more interviews at strip clubs please.

We may not always see eye to eye on things, but we certainly balance each other out. Ricki Derek's a good friend and a great performer. I'm truly thankful that we connected and were able to create such a timeless, fun, different, strange, endearing, always maturing and long running piece of entertainment. I look forward to our next project, because they help keep us young. Well, that and the collagen injections.

Also thanks to Sibley and the kids for putting up with me each time we do a show. You are a gracious, loving and understanding host. I love that you have the kids around as well, so there is someone shorter than me at the house. I know I take Ricki away from you guys for a week, but I always give him back. Not in the best condition, but back nonetheless.

Thanks to Paul Armstrong for letting us shake out the good jokes in his brain, and for not getting upset when we incinerated the bad ones.

Thanks to the rest of the cast for blindly going with us to bigger and better venues, even though you wanted us to keep the show hidden away inside a dark dank cavern. Trust us guys, we know whats best for the show, and it ain't a small vomit covered bar.

Thanks to Clay Liford for letting us use his editing suite at the last minute. You are always supportive and always willing to help. Best of luck with the new movie and looking forward to being your Oscar date.

Thanks to Wayne at the Lakewood. You really believe in the show, and we couldn't ask for a better venue. You helped us bring the show to life at the Lakewood and even if it wasn't as successful as we had hoped, you understand the show's worth and you appreciate the work we put into it. That means a lot to us both.

I wanted to thank my wife for letting me play with Ricki. She may not understand why I want to work so hard on something that frustrates me so much and generally makes me no money, but she has never told me not to do it. Thank you for loving me enough to know that I occasionally need to follow my heart down dark tunnels, knowing that you will always be on the other side to pull me out.

Thanks for pulling overtime to help me with the tiger cage Mom. I know every time I come into town I put you to work, but I think deep down you enjoy it. Right? It keeps things exciting. I love you so very much and I literally could not do what I do without your help. Thanks! Oh yeah, and Dad, thanks for not grounding me when I force mom to do my bidding. I'm also sending you get well rays for your shoulder.

This is starting to sound like a suicide note. It's not, I promise. I just wanted to get something down to show my appreciation to all those that make the Cabaret possible. I'm sure there are tons more to thank and hug. Just know that the Cabaret holds a very special place in my heart. It helped me to grow into the confident performer I am today. It helped push me to write more. It helped me realize that not all ideas are golden, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't at least try. It opened up a world of new friends. It introduced me to a kindred spirit. But most of all it allowed me to make people laugh. That is my one true love in life, and I've stored all those laughs in my soul. They help me move forward. They stand me up when I'm full of doubt. Nothing in the world will ever take those away from me.

Thanks for the laughs Cabaret. Now... whens the next show?

Monday, June 1, 2009

Truck and Tractor Trailer

Only 3 weeks left until the HUGE Night-OH-Cabaret show. I'm so freaking excite! It's going to be amazing. Hope you've gotten your tickets and told all your friends. The tickets are selling really well and I really super duper hope we sell out.

My good buddy Mike Geier read a commercial I wrote for the show in his amazing Truck and Tractor Pull announcer voice. I just got done editing the video part and it turned out really fun, check it out.

I've got that butterfly feeling in my gut already for the show. This will be the biggest thing we've ever tried to pull off and it's all starting to sink in. I have a ton of stuff to memorize and get ready for the show.

For the love of Pete, if you've been putting off coming to the show, stop it! Come to this one! It will at the very least be something fun and different to do on a Saturday night.

Love you guys, gotta get back to work.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Excite-O-Tech

I'm so excited about the upcoming Night-OH-Cabaret's 10 and a Half Year Anniversary Show (btw, tickets are on sale now at Ticket Master or by calling 214-821-7469)!!!! I still can't believe Dana Snyder from Adult Swim is going to be performing. It's going to be super duper awesome!

We got some more good news, Excite-O-Tech is going to help sponsor the show. If you've been a regular to the show for the past 10 and a half years, you no doubt have seen Ron and Don pitching Excite-O-Tech products in the show. But if for some reason you haven't seen those guys talking about what a great company Excite-O-Tech Industries is, here is a link to their website:

EXCITE-O-TECH INDUSTRIES

Please help us spread the word about the show and get your tickets today!

Monday, May 11, 2009

The World is a Safer Place

It's official, the world's a much safer place now that facebook, twitter, myspace, and every other social networking site has appeared on the scene. Now stalkers can leer, drool, and gawk at their prey from the privacy of their own one room apartments above the garage of that nice old couple.

Stalkers used to have to wait outside they're ex girlfriend/ex fiance/ex wife/the new receptionist's work for hours; waiting for them to emerge so they could follow them home. The stalker had to wear all black and climb trees to get a glimpse through the window of their obsession. Not only was it dangerous, but grass stains and tree sap are really hard to get out of clothing.

As if clinging to a tree branch wasn't bad enough, we... I mean they used to have to buy all kinds of expensive night vision goggles and binoculars. It was hard because night manager jobs at convenience stores just didn't pay that much. Stalkers would compile hundreds of dollars in credit card debt trying to keep up with the latest in high tech surveillance equipment.

Wire taps, cameras, stolen underwear, developing all that film for the huge wall montage/shrine. It just ate up all a persons free time. Now, thankfully, all you have to do is become your targets friend online and a world of pictures, status updates, and location information opens up to you. It's like a stalker invented it.

Yep, it's a good, and safer, time to be a stalker.

Friday, May 8, 2009

It's PABBIYS Friday!

That's right jerks, it's the official "Put a Bedtime Bear in Your Shirt Friday"! This is my favorite day of the year. I do get quite annoyed at how stores start selling Put a Bedtime Bear in Your Shirt Friday decorations earlier and earlier each year. Oh well, that's capitalism I guess. As long as you remember the true meaning of the day, it's all good.

Happy Put a Bedtime Bear in Your Shirt Friday everyone!!!!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Don't Ask

OK, I could get in a lot of trouble for this, so don't ask how I got a hold of this picture:

I'm willing to sell it to the highest bidder, I hope someone from the Enquirer reads my blog, I need some cash.

I just got back from the dentist and boy are my teeth stuffed with shit. I was going in for a teeth cleaning, but I also had to get a crown put on. The dentist needed to cover up the hole the more expensive dentist made when he did my root canal. It was my lucky day because they found a cavity. Not only did I get a crown, but I got a brand new hole drilled in my head and filled with teeth hole filling shit. And all of that before 9 am.

Boo.

Monday, May 4, 2009

AWESOME NEWS!!!

I wanted all 3 of the people that read my blog to be the first to hear the great news. After weeks of planning and trying to get schedules to work out, we finally cinched it up.

This Night-OH-Cabaret's already shaping up to be an amazing, fun, and crazy event. The show just got freaking incredible with the addition of this special guest performer. Without further ado, let me be the first to tell you all, we have the great honor of presenting non other than the infamous Mr. Dana Snyder to the stage! That's right the voice of so many hysterically funny characters on Adult Swim is performing in our show.

I met Dana in a burlesque show I was playing Cupid in this past Valentines Day. He was performing old school Vaudevillian style acts in the show and I was blown away. He's absolutely hysterically funny and has got his schtick down to a science. It was so impressive to watch, and I immediately started thinking how great it would be to have him do his stuff in the Night-OH-Cabaret.

I got in touch with him and he was really excited about the prospect. Luckily the Lakewood Theater had Saturday June 20th become available at the last minute and Dana was free that weekend. It was on!

Mr. Snyder is crazy talented and it's going to be a challenge for us to keep up with him in the show, but it should make the show that much better.

Please let everyone know about the show and pass along this cool news.
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You can get your tickets NOW through Ticket Master, or save a couple bucks off the service charge and get your tickets straight through The Lakewood Theater.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Eyepatch Friday!

It's fucking eye patch Friday bitches! Grab an eye patch and slap that shit on right now, or you are out of the club!

Stop talking like a pirate you idiot, what do you think it is, Pirate Wednesday? It's just eye patch Friday, it has nothing to do with pirates. You are so embarrassing sometimes, I mean really.

God I'm bored today.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Smart Car

I found out last Friday night that the Smart Car's name in no way corresponds to the actual person driving the vehicle.

Nancy and I were on our way to Dad's Garage. We were tooling down a road in our neighborhood that we had been down many times. At one particular bend of the road, another residential street T's into the street we were on.

The direction I was going, which was a natural continuation of the road we were on, had no stop sign. I continued along at my speed, assuming the street that dead ends onto another street would have a stop sign. (upon later inspection we found out it didn't) I notice a red smart car is speeding it's tiny ass toward us. It wasn't slowing down. I sped up to avoid contact.

We pass the smart car just as it is turning left. I look in the rear view mirror just in time to see the smart car change its direction in mid left turn, whipping itself around. It's now speeding up behind us. I thought for sure he wasn't chasing us down in a fit of residential street rage.

He got closer and closer. At the next stop sign I could hear him yelling at us. Then he turned and drove away. It made me feel icky. Who the hell chases people down these days. We are in the freaking south for God's sake. Odds are I had a gun somewhere on me or in the car. What an idiot. I don't care how badly you piss me off while I'm driving, I won't ever chase you and yell at you. That's just stupid, immature and dangerous.

I guess the fact that we were in a Honda Fit made us less imposing. Perhaps if I was in a huge black truck with tinted windows he might have rethought his actions.

I have to say, if our Honda Fit and the Smart Car would have collided, it would have been the cutest car wreck ever.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Swine!

I'm so glad the media isn't fueling global terror by painting the swine flu in a horrific and apocalyptic light. The media is so thoughtful and has really taken into consideration the public's mental well being. I applaud you media, it's not often that a leopard changes its "over reacting sensationalistic" spots. Media, you have taken the high road this time, thought that maybe you shouldn't instill unnatural fright in an already trigger shy, recession suffering, terrorist fearing public.

Bravo.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

The Wondrous Times

Here is the short I made for Channel 101 this month, it was not selected. Boo. It's really silly. I laugh every time I watch it, which isn't the case with a lot of my shorts. I wanted to step out side the over planning, stringent, micro managing box I'm always in when I shoot a 101 pilot. I wanted to just grab the camera and be silly. I had a great time making this and it was a ton of fun. It's a shame it didn't get picked, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Be warned, this isn't like most of the stuff I do, and it won't be every ones cup of tea, but if you like it please pass it along to your friends.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Earthday!

I know I stopped doing video blogs, but I wanted to share my Earthday ritual in person!
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Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Night-OH **NEW DATE**

We finally have a date for the 10th Anniversary Night-OH-Cabaret show. It's going to be Saturday June 20th at the Lakewood Theater. We are trying to get a really cool guest star to preform in the show, and I was freaking jazzed out of my mind yesterday morning because he said he could do it. Then I found out he might actually be doing another show the next night and it bummed me out to no end.

Nothing is set in stone yet so please send well wishes and good thoughts my way.

Here is a poster and video for the show:


I'm super excited about this show. Hopefully things will work out with our secret guest star. We're pulling out all the stops and trying to make it an amazing experience. If you're in Dallas for the love of God make plans to go. The Ticket info isn't posted yet but I'll let you know when it is. This show has been a big part of my life and holds a very special place in my heart. Help us spread the word and fill up every seat in that theater, this show deserves some love.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

PIR

Shooting some stuff today, but wanted to drop this on you guys if you missed it like me. Watch closely when the 4th person is called at the very beginning of the show.

The Price is Right!

Just click that link above to see my fat ass cheer on someone that should have been me.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Best Trip Ever!:Part 7, the last day

Finally, we come to the end of a week long journey, that seemed like a month. It really was a nonstop action packed week of awesome. It was time to say goodbye to the city of broken dreams.

Being the complete moron I am, I accidentally booked my return flight at 12:30 midnight, thinking it was 12:30 noon. So I had a whole day to obsess over the flight home. Ryan and I had decided early on last week to go to a taping of Drew Carey's Price is Right.

The building they tape the show in was literally 2 blocks from Ryan's apartment. You can hear the plinko machine from Ryan's living room.

We knew our chances of getting selected would greatly improve if we were wearing retarded matching "team" shirts. After hours of deliberation we decided on the slogan "Clever T-Shirt". We thought the best way to go about making these shirts would be stick on vinyl letters. A quick trip to Office Depot and K-Mart later, we had our letters and white t-shirts. We decided to make our shirts even more catchy by writing the slogan upside down. Sometimes our amazing intellect and originality amazing even me.

A friend of Ryan's who lived just down the street was going with us so we made her a shirt as well. Here we are after the show.

We assembled the team and walked to Subway for some line waiting nourishment. With three 5 dollar foot longs in hand, we were off. They do two tapings a day, at 1pm and 4pm. We were set to attend the 4pm taping. We arrived at 1pm and didn't get through the studio doors until 4:20-ish. That's 3 hours of waiting for those keeping count.

After sizing up our competition, we realized that our chances of getting picked were nil. There were 3 military people in their costumes, a lady in a wheelchair, and to many obese woman to count. Some chic in our row got selected, so if you watch the show THIS MONDAY APRIL 13TH on CBS, you'll see me acting as obnoxious as I could.

The best part for me was when they called up the woman in the wheelchair. She was right next to me. When she started to roll up, I leaped from my seat and cheered as if they had just called up Jesus. I screamed and waved my arms like a fucking retarded child who had just been told he was going to McDonalds. The best part was, I realized that NO ONE else was standing up. Not one person in the entire audience. And when I realized that I went even more nuts. I guess the audience hated people in wheelchairs. Not me, I love the fuck nuts out of them. All I have to say to the audience is, lives to short to harbor hate and prejudice against those that are different from us. To, to, short. Open your hearts April 13th 2009 Price is Right audience, it's time.

The taping was a lot of fun, I have a new found respect for Drew Carey. He was very funny. Much funnier and down to earth than he comes across on the actual show. He handled the audience with the ease and grace of a Catskill comedian. He's a pretty talent cat.

It was a long day of waiting and being told to clap like trained monkeys. It takes a lot out of you. I was starving at this point. It was now 6:30pm. I told Ryan I needed more noodles, so he took me to a great little noodle joint and we had our last meal of the trip together.

I packed up and headed back to the rental car drop zone. All in all it was a great trip.

Happy Easter everyone, and be sure to catch my one man standing ovation for the wheel chair lady this Monday on CBS!

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Best Trip Ever!:part 6

SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!

The big day was here! Why was this a big day? Let me fill you in with a little back story:

When I started putting together my trip to LA, I checked on the channel 101 website to see if there was going to be a screening while I was in town. Sure enough there was, and I was super jazzed. I've been a big fan of all the cats involved with 101 for a long time. You might remember I had done several tiny tv shows for Channel 102 (now 101 NY) while I was in New York. Up until now, I had never sent anything into the original channel 101. I knew all the fools doing 102 in New York, so it wasn't that scary. But 101 in L.A. was the real deal. Those guys are rockstars! They consistently pump out amazing and funny stuff, making it all the more daunting to send in videos.

I started thinking about it and came to the conclusion I should shoot a show and submit it for that screening. I had a silly idea for a show and I told my buddy Mike Geier. He dug the idea and said he would help me put it all together. Along with Mike, some buddies from Dad's Garage, and Jon Goss, a friend from college that contacted me out of the blue on facebook recently; I was able to pull it off in less than 2 weeks. It would have been done in a week, but we had to cancel a shoot day and move it back a week.

And now, for the first time in this blog, I present The Evener:

Long story short, the guys at channel 101 get tons of shows submitted every month and choose only the best 5 for the screening. So I had my fingers crossed all week, which made eating, going to the bathroom, and all my pitch meetings a bit awkward. They usually post the excepted videos on the website the Friday before the screening. It was now Sunday, and they still hadn't posted anything. I was on pins and needles.

To calm my nerves Ryan took me to an all you can eat Korean BBQ restaurant for lunch. We rolled up at exactly 11:58am and noticed a woman cleaning the front window. We started to walk in, but were stopped by the woman. She informed us that they didn't open until noon. A mere 2 minutes away. Reluctantly we left and took a little walk around the neighborhood. I bought a Thia Ice Tea from some place called I Love Boba. Boba is a weird drink with puffed rice balls in the bottom. The rice balls have the same consistency of gummy bears. You have to use an extra big straw to suck them up as you drink. It was strange to say the least, and to be honest I'm not sure if I, in fact, did love boba. I did however come up with the brilliant idea to start a Star Wars themed boba place called "I love Boba Fette".

We went back to the restaurant and proceeded to stuff ourselves into a meat coma. Afterward, we waddled around for a while, full of pork and beef. When we get back to Ryan's, I checked the 101 site for the millionth time. They had finally posted the shows that made the screening. There in black and white was my little hastily thrown together mess, The Evener. I was jazzed out of my mind.

We goofed off for the rest of the day and then made or way to the screening. They usually have 2 screenings, but tonight they were only having 1, so I had made a reservation. When we got there we were seated right in the front row. I noticed my film was second to last on the roster.

I was super nervous. Turns out the screening was great, my film got a lot of laughs.

Afterward we hung out and drank at the place with all the 101 guys. I got to meet a lot of the people whose work I really dig. I met Dan Harmon, Rob Schrab, and Justin Roiland. Justin was the guy that created one of my all time favorite 101 shows, House of Cosbys. He said he liked my film and that made my insecure, self loathing little soul happy.

I also met Rich Fulcher:

This made my star fucker gland swell with delight. He is one of the guys from the Mighty Boosh. If you haven't seen this show I HIGHLY suggest you seek it out. It's insane, cute, hilarious, and reminds me of the old Muppet Show. It hasn't had a US DVD release yet which is a shame, but you can find it all over the internets.

Meeting Dan and Rob was great as well. Dan Harmon is an insanely gifted writer and Rob Schrab is one of the most talented mutha fuckas around. They founded Channel 101 over 6 years ago. Since then they have both had tons of success in Hollywood, and still find time to be involved in 101.

Unfortunately my film came in 11th out of 11, which means mine was the best worst one. Suck on that number 1. I didn't care that my film was last place, the experience was so great. All those guys were proof that you don't have to be a douche bag to be successful in Hollywood. Thanks for the great time guys!

It was getting late, so we hopped in a cab. I went to bed with visions of channel 101 dancing in my head.

One more day left....

Best Trip Ever!:part 5

Open bars always seem like a great idea when you're there, but the next morning you realize they're just a horrible joke played on you by Satan. I wasn't feeling to good the next morning. Everyone woke up and Vanessa high tailed it back to the OC.

Ryan and I had plans to go to the Museum of Natural History at 2pm and watch a folk music artist play. We left the apartment to grab some much needed nourishment. First Ryan tried to take me to an infamous diner downtown. There was a line out the door when we arrived. We decided to peek in and check out the place. The second the greasy smell of a griddle from a place that claims to have been open 24 hours every day for the past 20 years, hit my hung over olfactories, it was time to turn around. You could literally reach up and grab a handful of Crisco out of the air.

My gut was craving noodles, so Ryan took me to an incredible Ramon place. It was absolutely delicious, and the best part was I kept it all down. Hooray!

Next stop was the Natural History Museum across from USC. Ryan promised me that the dude preforming had a puppet that he whipped out for one of his songs. You can imagine how totally stoked I was.



Unfortunately there was no puppet this time around. You can imagine how totally bummed out I was.

It was bizarre watching two folk musicians do a concert surrounded by dioramas of stuffed animals. I felt like I was in an episode of Flight of the Concords. This dude was not digging the show as much as we were:

After the set, we wondered around the museum for a while. There was a fantastic exhibit full of spiders and weird bugs. They looked like something out of an 80's science fiction movie. My camera was starting to die at this point, so the picture is a little blurry. But it's still creepy, even out of focus.

I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that somewhere on this planet, these creatures are crawling around. If I saw one of these little guys in my apartment, I'ld drop 2 tons of bricks in my pants.

For some reason adjacent to the bug exhibit, this was playing to a small empty room.

It begs the question, if a Gelfling falls in the woods and no one is there, does it make a sound?

I've heard of having a monkey on your back, but this is ridiculous...anyone...hello?

I still wonder what the hell was in this cart.



We came upon a closed door in the museum. Being full hearty young lads we ventured in finding this:
video
I'm just glad we made out out of there alive.

We left the Museum and on the way home Ryan asked if I wanted to see the house from Six Feet Under. I said:


That night Ryan had a date, which was fine because I had to head down to Beverly Hills anyway. I was attending the film festival premiere of my friend Cynthia's short film entitled Trifles. Her short was great, however it was part of a shorts program and her piece was last. There were 5 reasons why I stopped going to shorts programs at film festivals before hers. Luckily Cynthia's started right before I was about to claw my eyes out. She was far and away one of the best performances of the night. Bravo Cynthia, you done good!!!

Apparently at midnight everything in Beverly Hills closes up, probably because they're all pussies there. We had no place to go to have food and catch up. F you Beverly Hills. I drove back to Ryan's pad and watched Whatever It Takes again.

Almost done...

Friday, April 3, 2009

Best Trip Ever!:part 4

Friday morning arrived, and you haven't woken up yet if you haven't been serenaded awake by Ryan McCracken.

Ryan is an amazing musician who writes for a music blog in LA called Losanjealous.com. Ryan's love and knowledge of music, old and new, is immense and constantly expanding. There's always smooth grooves reverberating throughout the McCracken pad from a CD or his turntable.

I'm always treated to new and undiscovered bands when I visit. It truly is the best place to stay if you're in LA.

Ryan had noticed some aphids on the leaves in his garden. After a Twitter about the little devils, he received tons of advice. That morning we ran an errand to a hardware store to obtain, not 1, not 48, but 500 ladybugs. It was creepy as hell. I never realized you could buy so many living creatures at the hardware store.

Here are some pictures of the great lady bug release of 2009.





It was noon and I had to head to Radical Axis' LA hub to chat with my friends April and Joe. We gossiped about work for an hour, then April had to go to a meeting. Joe was nice enough to accompany me to lunch. We went to a place that specialized in hotdogs and was inside an old railroad car. It was awesome!

Next I traveled to Titmouse Studios for a tour of the place. It's the studio that produces the show Metalocalypse for Adult Swim. My friend Nash from Blue Sky knows them and set it up for me. My point man was Antonio Canobbio. Not only is his name kick ass, he was incredibly nice and extremely accommodating. He gave me a tour of the entire place. I practically met everyone there. It was fantastic.

After the tour I was on my way back to home base.

Vanessa's a writer for game shows. That night I was going to be her plus one for the wrap party of her latest show. We met up at a place called Home, where a couple NYC improv friends of ours were having dinner. After catching up for a while, Vanessa and I made our way to Lucky Strikes Lanes, where the wrap party was in full swing. One near death experience involving me trying to cross a busy street in the Cobalt and a cab ride with a crazy Russian dude who thought we were married then told us 3 to many inappropriate stories later, we were lacing up our bowling shoes.



I bowled a 68 BTW.

I'll break down the party:
Free bowling = Great
Free Booze = Amazing
Rock Band = Totally Sweet
Meeting Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air = PRICELESS

I got to shake his hand and he was super nice. Unfortunately I have no photographic proof of said encounter with the great Alfonso Ribeiro, because Vanessa insisted I not take a picture. I'm not listening to her next time. Watch your back Alfonso Spears from TV's Silver Spoons.

After several free drinks, the party ended and we stumbled across the street to another bar for one last beer. I wish I was a little more sober, because we ended up crashing the booth of the most amazing characters I've met in a long time. Two Swedish rock musicians. One of them was a year into his California dream. The other was pretty fresh off the boat and had amazing feather hair.

Vanessa had that ready to go home look, but I was digging my two new friend to much to leave. Eventually I gave in and we hopped in a cab back to Ryans.

Another long action packet day down. More two come my pretties....