Tuesday, September 18, 2007

What the hell happened to me!

I finally watched the tape of my one man show. I'm not trying to sound like a douche bag or anything, but I did a lot better than I thought I did. There were definite hiccups, areas that I can fix and need to iron out, but all in all it was really funny. Way to go me!

So that was the good thing about watching the tape, the bad thing was, I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING SEA LION THAT JUST ATE ANOTHER FATTER SEA LION! I'm so fat! When did I get so fat? I mean I don't exorcise or eat well, but there's no reason for what I saw on that tape. That was a wake up call my friends. Starting tomorrow, I'm eating nothing but laxatives and throwing up every hour on the hour.

I do need to lose about 20 pounds. That ain't easy when your as old as I am. I'm like 72 years old. My metabolism is slower than Britney Spears during a dance routine. I guess it's a good thing I watched the tape before it got much worse, I mean a couple more days and I wouldn't even be able to get out of the apartment without a forklift and my son Johny Depp.

Getting older sucks balls.

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