Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Set Sarcastic Volume to 11, Now...

Another great day taking part in our wonderful and efficient legal system. In NO way is ANYONE involved in this trial wasting our time or money as Americans.

OK, turn the sarcastic volume back to a normal level now and turn your sympathy volumes up.

So I wake up at 8 am this morning because I have to be at the court building at 9:45 am. I get ready and leave my house. It's raining pretty hard, but I only have a 20 foot walk to the subway station so I run to the entrance without using an umbrella. 45 minutes later I arrive at my stop. I exit the subway station into one of the most horrific downpours of rain I've seen in a long long time. I'm talking arc building rain. I open my sorry excuse for an umbrella and venture out. This umbrella is LITERALLY the shittiest umbrella that an umbrella maker has ever unleashed unto the world. Clearly this umbrella should be marked with a label that reads, "Useful only in the desert or if it's not actually raining."

Hey, it's only 8 blocks to the court building.

I can't express enough that every use of the word LITERALLY in this blog can be taken literally.

I literally looked like I jumped into a swimming pool when I arrived at the court building. 10 minutes early by the way. We were told to be there at 9:45, the proceedings proceeded at 10:45, at which time it had stopped raining.

Oh did I mention I had to miss an audition because of this jury duty? Did I mention it's the first audition I've gotten since I quit? Did I mention it was for an acting gig that could have gotten me 20 grand if I had bagged the role?

Luckily the court room is always a chilly 63 degrees, perfect for people who are soaking wet.

At lunch I walked around China Town and realized that a person could get lost there and never be seen again. I swear to God every street looks the same and I walked down several little alleys where I could have been grabbed pulled into a doorway and sold into the Chinese white slavery trade.

I was super hungry and couldn't read any sign. I was hoping at least one Chinese family was going to buck the trend and open an Irish Pub so I could've gotten a nice Sheppards pie for lunch. Nothing. Instead I went in a weird Chinese restaurant, and ordered form the vegetarian menu. That way they couldn't slip in any weird sea creature or strange part of a duck. I ordered something called the Buddha Special. I figured, that dudes super fat, this has got to be good. It wasn't. I know it was all vegetables, but I still have no idea what I ate. I did get rice with it. The rice was great.

We got let go at 4:10 pm, incidentally the exact time the audition was over. I'm home now and out of my wet clothes. I was going to take a nap because I have a show tonight at the UCB, but instead I wrote this. I hope at least one of you can get some joy out of my day. Time to start drinking.


Reagan said...

Damn, sorry you missed your audition. That blows! Damn government.

tomsaville said...

That's quite a story, young man. Sounds to me like someone thought GOING SWIMMING was more important than BEING A GOOD SEMERITAN!!!