On our trip back from Dallas after the holidays, we spent a couple days gambling away our savings with my moms and pops in Shreveport Louisiana. What the hell right, with the economy doing so bad and me not having a job, it seemed almost stupid NOT to gamble.
We stayed at the Horseshoe Casino. Shreveport is just like Vegas, except it's not at all like Vegas and it's dirty.
On the first night me and the wife played roulette. We kept winning, oddly enough, so we were at the table for about two hours. While there I was placing chips on the table for the next roll as my Nick Senses started tingling. I heard liquid hitting the ground as someone started brushing up against my back. When right behind me there was such a clatter, I turned my head to see what was the matter. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, it was an obese drunk man spilling his beer.
OK enough of that shit. I saw a really fat dude bending over behind me. He had a beer under his arm. The beer was spilling all over the floor and my sweet puma kicks. Before I could even move my foot the man teetered my way and started futilely grasping at me as he toppled over. I tried in vein to help him not fall over, but it was as if he was being pulled to the ground by magic or ghosts, or a magic ghost with wizard powers.
He falls over and I think he's having a heart attack. He eventually gets up and without an apology, places a bet on our table, loses, then vanishes in the night like a magic ghost wizard.
I learned next that Nancy had seen everything and she told me that the man was obviously a little drunk. She said he had dropped a chip, was trying to pick it up, but was so fat he couldn't bend over. You guys know what followed suit. I was almost crushed to death by a fat dude in a casino, how would I have explained that one to St. Peter.
The next night we were at the very same roulette table, and on the other side of the room we hear a loud thump. Looking up from our gambling problem, we see an old woman sitting on the ground. She seems OK and there are several people around her telling her not to get up. She sits on the floor for about 10 minutes. During that time me and Nancy finish up our sinful and wasteful ways at the roulette table. We walk around the casino for about a minute and end up over by where the woman had fallen down, just in time to watch three security guards pushing her, now seated on a stool, up to the craps table. Ah, a happy ending after all.
As I stated in my last blog entry, we had a flat on the way home. At first I thought God was mad at me and Nancy for gambling. We were 80 bucks ahead after all. The new tire cost a total of 60 bucks, almost wiping out our winnings. I then told Nancy God was telling us not to gamble. But then cooler heads prevailed and I realized, it was God telling us to gamble MORE, so we could afford three new tires instead of one. I love God.
Now on to the actual title of this blog entry. We went to an outlet mall while in Shreveport called the Boardwalk. While there we did some shopping. One of the stores we went to was the Shoe Rack.
It's no secret that I'm not the tallest creature God ever created. I stand at a whopping 5'4", if I'm not slouching. My shoe size is average in comparison to my height and the size of my penis, men's seven and a half.
I've shopped for shoes my whole life and I've discovered they don't make many pairs of shoes in my size. That or there are a shit ton of short and proud men wondering the earth.
While perusing the shoes I noticed something that troubled me. The shelving went all the way to the ceiling, about 7 feet up, and all the shoes were arranged from largest sizes at the bottom to smaller sizes at the top. Someone didn't think this out very well. It doesn't take a rocket surgeon to figure out that if a person has smaller feet, then they are probably not very tall, and visa versa. So why in the hell are the smaller shoes up above me just out of my reach.
I can only think it's a horribly nasty trick to make me feel even more inadequate about my height. I bet Randy Newman has stock in the Shoe Rack.