State Fair Part 2: Fair Harder

My favorite game to play in the midway doesn't involve a ball, a hoop, or a coke bottle. Nope, my favorite game to play as we walk through the midway is count the teeth. The carnie worker to tooth ratio is always a bit skewed, but they don't let their dental inadequacies hinder their mood. You can tell how much this guy loves his job, he's practically glowing.

Next on the agenda was to go see the animals. There's a huge room full of goats, ducks, ostriches, cows, pigs, and other creatures. You can buy a little cup of food for the animals and risk loosing a finger feeding them. Throughout the feeding and petting area there were rows of hand sanitizing foam dispensers. A squirt of foam wasn't enough to make you feel clean, I needed a "Silkwood-esque" decontamination shower. Here is a giraffe.

Here are three of the cutest future breakfast sausages I've ever seen.

WANING: Only 18 and over can look a the below image, it contains graphic nudity.

Not 100% sure the sex of either goat. 110% sure it's super sexy.

This jerk kept trying to eat my entire hand, I was feeding it rat poison though.

This is my buddy Richard. He is a great artist, check out his stuff here " http://www.myspace.com/dickyvantastic". Here he is enjoying a delicious funnel cake.

After eating all that food he had to take a...

Here is Mikey, don't believe everything you read.

I just like that no one is on this ride, it's like the fair after a nuclear holocaust, fun.

This is a huge house of cards that some dude was building while the fair was going on. He broke his original world record with this one. I want to think that's cool, but all I can think is, who gives a shit. I mean, how hard is it to stack cards for a month? I'm willing to bet anyone with enough time to kill could have done this, and yet he will be in the genius book of world records... again. Why am I waisting my time trying to write, edit, and direct projects that take me months to complete, and aren't guaranteed to even be very good when I'm finished, if all I have to do is bounce a fucking basketball a million times. But I digress...

There are a couple buildings full of vender's selling the shit you see in infomercials. This creepy old dude was pitching some metal dish that untarnished metal. Me and Derek got our wedding rings cleaned. The dude was talking 90 miles an hour about his product and every time I looked up at him and made eye contact he would wink at me. It freaked my shit out. Then later we french kissed behind the porta-potties for half an hour.

Next we sat through one of the worst excuses for a show I have ever seen, and I've watched tapes of the Night-OH-Cabaret. We had seen this show a couple years back and apparently this was it's 9th year at the fair. It was the marionette show called... wait for it... wait for it........ World on a String. BAM! Great name, terrible show. I can't believe that the people involved in this production go home every night and think that they have done a great job entertaining the masses. If they do, shame on them, they're at the State Fair of Texas for God's sake! The big leagues! The Broadway of Dallas! Take some pride in your work, untangle the puppets before the show. Put together a new act that I didn't already see at Six Flags 20 years ago. At any rate, here I am being molested by the Liza Minelli marionette.

I dozed off a couple times during the "show", because at this point we'd all had quite a few beers. After the show was over we went here...

I wasn't tall enough for the merry-go-round.

Instead of wasting our precious beer tickets on rides, me and Richard just spun round 200 times. Then this happened...

It was getting dark and that meant only one thing, time to ride the ferris wheel. The Texas State Fair has the worlds tallest ferris wheel, or maybe I made that up. Regardless, its freaking tall. Here's a picture of me and Richard in our ferris wheel cage. You can almost smell the cheap beer and fried food on my breath.

Everything looks better from far away. You can barely see the hopeless despair from up here.

Finally we rounded out the Fair visit with a stroll through the car show. There were tons of cool looking concept cars and 2009 models. If this little robot was any indication, the future is going to suck.

We missed the bird show, the frisbi catching dogs show, and the butterfly sanctuary. I can't help but think I'll be back again someday. I'm already marking my calender and trying to lower my cholesterol to make room.

Next time I'll talk about the night-oh-cabaret show, but I'm waiting to get a CD of pictures from my friend Paul. Sit tight loyal fans.