OK, I believe you now. I apologize for all the times I gave you a bad time about not meeting me at the bar, not making it out to one of my shows, or not being able to just come over hang. Now that I have a full time job, a house and a dog (the dog for this instance will pose as my child, just a little less hairy than my actual kid will be)
Where the hell does the time/energy go? I get home, eat dinner, spend time with the wife, play with dog, relax for a beat and it's time for bed. And when I have time to get on the computer to try and write, edit, or blog it up, sitting in front of a computer after doing it all day seems silly. I don't want to believe I've just grown up and this is what it's supposed to be like. I want/need to still have the drive to create and do funny stuff. I still have that, it's there in my soul. I can feel it kicking. It's just buried under mountains of responsibility. Even my weekends get filled up with crap that is or isn't in my control. I'm chasing my personal dreams and it feels like that tunnel in Poltergeist that just kept getting longer and longer.
I guess it all comes down to time management, or maybe I'm just selfish. For so long I've done what I wanted to every second of the day. I chased my wants and needs, not having to worry about who it effected. That was fine when I was young and single, but if I want to find the true meaning of existence, I think I may have to let that go. Hell may be other people, but heaven is what you make it.
I've done a lot of thinking about levels of success, and what I thought success was or meant for me. Sure I want to sell a screenplay or write for a tv show, but if that doesn't happen am I a failure? Have I given up if I don't?
I'm not dead yet and all those things may still come to pass. Hopefully I have a lot of time left to find that out, but at the core of everything I'm happy. I am truly happy. I love my life and the crazy stuff I've gotten to do because of it. I love my wife and she supports me wholeheartedly. I have an amazing and wonderful family. I have a ton of great friends and acquaintances all over the world. I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and can afford the occasional extravagance. Is there more? I think we all could do well to step back out of our own heads, climb on top of that huge warped idea of personal success road block we have constructed. Peer around the lofty goals we've set for ourselves and take a good look at what we do have. What we have accomplished. I bet you'd be surprised at all the positives in your life you overlook each day. It's all perspective. No matter how much you think you don't have, there is always someone with less.
So if you ask me if I feel successful, I will say yes. And I'll meet you at the bar when ever you can. No hurry, it's just good to know you are there.
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5 comments:
Well done, my friend. It is a great time in a man's life when he comes to the realization that you did. I had mine a couple of years ago. Just like you, I stepped back and saw how great my life is and how lucky I am to be so fortunate to know the people I know and have the family that I do. Long distance hug to you, my brother. Miss you. Hug Nancy for me.
Thanks Sam. I always have hugs for you and your family!
I think it is a big mental step for sure. I see people all the time much older than I that have not yet taken that step, and I'm not sure if they ever will. It is upsetting because I feel like its a neccassary thing in a persons life. It makes things easier.
The hard part is keeping up that attitude, it is so easy to fall back into that negative place the second things don't know go your way. Here's to keeping that chin up.
If and when you get a kiddo, it makes everything you said here come even more into focus. I think about our group of friends and the accomplishments we've all had, and I'm amazed. We haven't given up our dreams, we are just learning to share them.
Love you Nicky,
Dicky
What? Sorry, I nodded off.
Sorry Anonymous, you wouldn't have been able to see this post in the first place, but I forgot to turn on the douche bag filter. Call me Forgetful Freddy.
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