Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Boo and Shit!

Howdy! First of all I wanted to say thanks to all those extremely fortunate people that were lucky enough to make it out to the show last week. They were treated to one of the best Night-OH-Cabaret's we've ever put together. We actually had very talented people in the cast this time around. It made me and Ricki look even less talented, but it was well worth it. Plus I got to come out in a speedo as Michael Phelps and set the land speed record in dropping F-bombs during a Night-OH-Cabaret.

I just got back from New York and it only took 30 minutes for me to realize why I wanted to get the hell out of New York in the first place. The subway is disgusting and anoying as hell. Everything is nasty, expensive, and smells. There are so many freaking rude people that you want to curl up in a ball and cry yourself to death.

Between attending wedding type functions for my wives good friend Heidi, I was able to shoe horn in 2 seperate 4am drinking sessions with old NY buddies, and a couple short catch up sessions with other NY buddies. It was great to see my friends and hang in all my old haunts.

The last day me and the wife both got sick. I blame the layer of disease and filth that coats NY. When we lived there we must have built up a resistance to this toxic environment. Being away for 9 months softened our immune systems. Next time it's hazmat uniforms for everyone!

I have a question about babies. Is there a law that states once you have a child during the month of October you must plunk it down in a pumpkin patch and take its picture? Don't get me wrong, it's cute as hell, but everyone I know with a toddler has sent me a picture of said infant dressed in orange sitting amongst pumpkins. The babies don't seem to mind, but I'm starting to want to carve faces and place candles inside babies.

I decided to make my Halloween scarier than any of you lame ass bitches. What's that Mike? You're going to a haunted house run by ex junkies. That ain't shit when you find out what I have in store! Huh, Sally, you're spending the night in an actual haunted house and using a Milton Bradly Ouji board. That's wimpier than taking a picture of a baby in a pumpkin patch compared to my plans. A night at Crystal Lake on Friday the 13th with Rob Zombie can't touch my Halloween activities. I'm getting a freaking root canal on Halloween! A SCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARY ROOT CANAL...with no local anesthetic!!!!!! And the doctor is far sited!!!!!!!!!

I'm so pissed I have to get a root canal. What's worse is they might have to extract the whole tooth. I'm going to be freaking reenacting a scene from "Saw 17" on Halloween this year. The scariest thing is we just discovered that our dental insurance sucks harder than Dracula in an Amish community on a bender.

I'll post some NY pics next time. Have a great Halloween!


Reagan said...

I 100% share your feelings on NY. I dread going back there for the exact same reasons you listed.

Oh and my baby is the definitely the cutest pumpkin baby!

sam said...

no pumpkin babies here. I take pics of them in tubs of broken glass and bio waste. they are so cute when they scream in pain and after they puke.

Nick Gibbons said...

When does that child rearing book of yours come out again sam?

sam said...

I was just getting in the Halloween spirit.