Wednesday, January 28, 2009

New Video!

Hey gang, I like to call small groups of people a gang, and I imagine there is no smaller group of people than those that look at my website. Thumbs up and wink, freeze frame!

I did a video today and set a new record! From conception to internet in 2 hours. I thought of this, shot, edited and posted it in about 2 hours. Since it's true, it's OK to think, mouth the words, or say it out loud. "Nick's totally awesome." You won't get made fun of I promise.

Well here it is:

Monday, January 26, 2009

I'll be posting a blog soon

I was driving today and saw something in the back of a car that got me thinking. No, it wasn't one of those suction cupped Garfield dolls. Although that would get me thinking. Like, maybe I had gone through a time portal back to the 80's.

I've seen this same sign in the back window of several cars around town. It simply says, "Tags have been applied for". They usually appear in the back of older, run down cars. It might be my total loss of hope in humanity speaking, but I don't think the tags have really been applied for. Further more I think they may have no intention of applying for tags.

If this sign is a valid excuse for not having something that is "legally" required done, there are a couple signs I want to make. I want a sign in the back of my car that reads, "Sorry, didn't realize I was speeding, slowing down right away". Or maybe a shirt that reads on the back, "Oops, I'm planning on bringing that iPhone back into the apple store asap, it must have slipped into my pocket by accident or something."

Are these signs really a valid way to not get a ticket? Do people think that police officers are that gullible? Will promising that you really really really swear to God, get you off the hook?

When I become Supreme World King of Earth, I will outlaw such idle signs. No longer will promises be a place holder for the law. Also I will make it mandatory to high five instead of shake hands.

Post Birthday Wrap Up

My birthday was on a Saturday this year, which is normally a good thing. However I got totally screwed out of a Friday birthday because of the leap year. Stupid February!

This year I invited everyone I knew in Atlanta to meet me at a little bar near our apartment for some cake and alcohol. I may have had to much of both.

I wanted to thank everyone who came out and apologize to those of you to whom I talked way to much about things you didn't want to hear. Good news is I got a lot of free therapy and exercised a few demons. It was my birthday right?

Mustaches and cake, hairy good time!

I'm at that age where hair just starts cropping up everywhere.

Two dapper young gentlemen on the town.

Those mustaches are contagious.

36 candles = Fire Hazard

A werewolf is cutting my cake!

It's officially a pandemic.

Nick SMASH cake!!!


Nick sorry cake, Nick love cake.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Next is Text

After some consideration and close examination, I've decided the video blogs are more narcissistic than even I care to be. I think I'm going to stick with writing. Plus I'm not wearing pants.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

MY NEW MUSIC VIDEO!!!!

I wanted to write a song about something that everyone's done at least once in their life.

This was a lot of fun to do. I downloaded this demo of a pitch corrector so I could get my vocals to sound like Kanye. The problem was I can't sing to save my life, so Nancy helped me find an easy melody and key and coached me through the verses. It took way longer than it should have, and that's my stupid vocal chords fault.

The song was about a minute longer. I had some more talking at the end and two other verses, but in the end I decided to follow my #1 rule of comedy, short and sweet. Get in and get out.

I hope you liked it.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

No singing I promise

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BTW, it's just "Indie Song Writer" not "Indie Film Songwriter" like I kept saying. I'm stupid.

MORNING DIAMOND!!

Before you watch this, you guys all know I'm an idiot right... OK just checking.
video

Monday, January 12, 2009

Golden Globes

Apart from Kate Windsock babbling on incoherently for far to long, this happened:
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By the way, these videos are just for my website, they will not be posted anywhere else, not that anyone would want them posted anywhere else. I just wanted to tell all the 4 people who look at my site that these are for your eyes only.

Peanuts.

Going to try and post more pointless ramblings each day.
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This is an attempt to stop being so shackled by my need to have a script when I make videos. Successful? Only time and anonymous posters will tell.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

WOW!

It won't be up there for long, but I just noticed my video is on the front page of Funny or Die in the user picks section! I'm freaking out. This is a pretty weird and high concept series. Not for the casual inbreed internet user looking for farting monkeys to amuse themselves.

For the 7 people that read my blog, I need you to click on the video and vote funny as many times as you can. Click, reload, repeat. It's gotten a lot of die votes, which breaks my little heart, but such is the nature of putting it up on this website. Please help keep hope alive. Yes we can!

Friday, January 9, 2009

Rambling

Feeling a tad esoteric today and was pondering the hows and whys that make us who we are mentally. The outside influences that shape our delicate psyches. Are we, from birth, hard wired into our attitudes, beliefs, and idiosyncrasies. Or does our upbringing, family, environment, media, help to guide the way we react to the situations life throws at us.

Each of us is slightly different deep inside. We all will react to the same situation in a unique and solely personal way. Is our reaction based on the morals or lack there of that our parents instilled in us. Perhaps we are predestined to act a certain way from the begining, and nothing really effects that outcome.

I know people who have had a terrible childhoods; bad parents, less than comfortable financial situations, not treated very well by their piers. And yet they grow up to be responsible and caring adults. While on the other hand, I have seen people who have had seemingly loving home lives, grow up to be selfish, egotistical monsters.

These thoughts scare me to death, especially when I think of having my own children. A friend of mine who recently had a child ask me how you make sure your kid doesn't turn into a jerk. I always thought that if you love them and teach them all you know, trying to instill a solid value system, that you would raise a responsible child. I'm not so sure that's true.

I guess it all goes back to what does, in fact, mold our way of thinking. My parents are incredibly loving and gave me a wonderful up bringing. My mother is the most giving person I know and my father is protective to a fault. I can see several of these traits in me, but I also know all my shortcomings. I see through a microscope all that makes me less than a good person and I don't know what lead me down the path to those ends.

There are things I think and do that upset me. I try to change these behaviors seemingly to no avail. Each day I think I might be becoming a better person, but then I think, better for who and in whose eyes. The actions I take that seem to be the right path, may in some other persons eyes be wrong.

That's where our differences come in. That's what I wonder about. How are our values created to begin with and how do we know that those values are innately good? I do believe there is rock hard written in stone right and wrong in life. Of course as humans we are entitled to choose these right and wrong scenarios, and in doing so a greater area of gray is created.

I think about whats important to me, and I see whats important to the people around me that I care about. These do not always match up. It seems like, at least in this country, that we've created a terrible place to raise children. We're all impatient, selfish people who need to be constantly entertained or at least distracted. It's easier to plop our kids in front of the TV and have it teach them the lessons we should be teaching them. It's easier to watch the tube and surf the internet than it is to interact with actual people. This absence of personal interaction, I believe, is eroding our ability to deal with humans directly one on one. We're quicker to judge, quicker to anger, and like the media we drown ourselves in, we want to just click a mouse, a video game button or the remote to deal with actual people instead of taking the time to talk or rationalize with them.

This whole moralistic conundrum has never been a more important discussion topic than now. The whole economy and unemployment problems stemmed from thousands of selfish people trying to get as much as they could for themselves without any consideration for the consequences. It drives me mad to think about these people. It's not 1 or 2 people that sent us spiraling out of control, but 1000's. It pains me to think there's that many people in our world with no values. That many people without a little voice telling them they might be doing the wrong thing. Their selfish actions have cost 2 million people's, in our country alone, job.

I guess I just wish we weren't so selfish, me included. I have a theory that if people were just 2% more polite, that the world would change dramatically for the better. If people just calmed down, opened a door for someone, let a pregnant woman have their seat, didn't get pissed when someone cut them off because they knew that they have done the same thing before, and just smiled at another person the world might heal a little bit.

I ain't talking drastic changes here, believe me I know we can't do that, I can't do that. I just mean being a little more understanding that everyone is basically the same. We all have problems, we all have issues, and no one is any better off than anyone else. The richest person in the world is just as unhappy as the poorest. That's what ties us all together.

OK, no point here, just rambling on this fine Friday morning. Hug someone today. DO IT!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY ATL!

We've officially been in Atlanta for one year! Wow, I never thought this day would come. It's been a crazy year full of ups and downs. I'd say on a scale of 1 to 10, Atlanta gets a firm 7! It's a pretty good place to live.

I also wanted to ask what you guys think is worse. A backhanded compliment or a flat out negative statement. On one hand you have something that sounds like a compliment but then turns into a bowl of shit flakes. On the other hand there's no mistaking a negative statement. It is what it is. No disguises and your ego doesn't get dicked around.

Both of them suck, but I think there's a certain level of shitierness with a backhanded compliment. It takes more energy to write one of those so it would stand to reason that the person writing it especially hated what they are commenting on. Instead of taking three seconds to crap out "You Suck", the person vomits out, "I really liked the lighting, but the rest was awful especially your attempts to do anything."

Gotta go figure out life.

Had to do it..

Sorry about this, but it made me smile. Here's a random review from a random person on the Amazon.com website about the Aqua Teen DVD extra I did.

"Radical Axis Presents..Radical Axis : A documentary mocked up to be like a 50's era industrial video.

I was expecting an actual documentary and behind-the-scenes type thing, but this was much better. They use glitching and errors to their benefit and the jabs they take at themselves and their show, crew, etc are really funny. This is one of the best behind the scenes type extra to ever be on an ATHF dvd (or perhaps any)."

Thanks Tamra Roybal "DVD Junkie" for such a great review. It's nice to hear that someone liked something you toiled over.

Funny Or Die

I posted all my TFAAONNFTFTRCONGON shorts on Funny or Die. Don't think they will do very well because they are longer than 30 seconds, and they don't have Will Ferrell, a cute baby, or farting monkeys in them. But I think the concept is solid and for the mere fact that I had to do them all by myself should get me some award. Maybe even a certificate. Dare to dream.

Please vote funny and share them with all your friends. I already have one comment that said "Well executed but the jokes are lame." I watched one of the videos by the guy that left that comment and all that happened in his video was his baby vomited on his face. I'll take his criticism with a grain of salt.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Suck my Nuts Squirrel

I just watch a video of a squirrel on You Tube. It was 20 seconds long. All that happens was the squirrel stands up and someone dubbed in a high pitched voice saying "what?". The End. It had 65 thousand views. SIXTY FIVE THOUSAND VIEWS!

I spend 17 hours editing a 3 minute video that takes me 5 hours to shoot, and I get 91 views. I've decided to just put up videos of the squirrels in my yard from now on. It's less work and people seem to love it.

It fucking blows my mind how people would rather watch something they can see in their backyard 24 hours a day on the computer, rather than an interesting funny video of something strange they've never seen before. I bet if I posted a video of some guys hand, that guy would watch the video 25 thousand times instead of looking at his own hand.

I got it! I'm going to post a video of my computer. Not doing anything, just a still shot of my computer. That way people can watch a computer screen ON their computer screen. I'll get billions of views and finally start raking in all those You Tube dollars.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Fast Paced?

Been reading a lot of job descriptions lately and they all seem to have one thing in common. Besides being completely unrealistic in their "requirements", I mean Jesus wouldn't qualify for some of these job's. They all need you to be able to work in a "Fast Paced" environment.

I'm not sure what that means exactly. I keep picturing everyone in the office wearing headbands and jogging short as they run from the copier to a meeting to the coffee break room then to another meeting. I've had plenty of deadlines in my time, but I can honestly say I don't know if I've ever worked in a fast paced environment.

I think I'm going to add that to my resume:

"Nick Gibbons is extremely fast paced. None of his prior employers can even describe what he looks like because all they ever saw was a blur, then his work was completed on his desk."

OK, gotta get back to writing with a healthy dose of Guitar Hero thrown in for inspiration.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Shoe Store's, You Crazy

On our trip back from Dallas after the holidays, we spent a couple days gambling away our savings with my moms and pops in Shreveport Louisiana. What the hell right, with the economy doing so bad and me not having a job, it seemed almost stupid NOT to gamble.

We stayed at the Horseshoe Casino. Shreveport is just like Vegas, except it's not at all like Vegas and it's dirty.

On the first night me and the wife played roulette. We kept winning, oddly enough, so we were at the table for about two hours. While there I was placing chips on the table for the next roll as my Nick Senses started tingling. I heard liquid hitting the ground as someone started brushing up against my back. When right behind me there was such a clatter, I turned my head to see what was the matter. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, it was an obese drunk man spilling his beer.

OK enough of that shit. I saw a really fat dude bending over behind me. He had a beer under his arm. The beer was spilling all over the floor and my sweet puma kicks. Before I could even move my foot the man teetered my way and started futilely grasping at me as he toppled over. I tried in vein to help him not fall over, but it was as if he was being pulled to the ground by magic or ghosts, or a magic ghost with wizard powers.

He falls over and I think he's having a heart attack. He eventually gets up and without an apology, places a bet on our table, loses, then vanishes in the night like a magic ghost wizard.

I learned next that Nancy had seen everything and she told me that the man was obviously a little drunk. She said he had dropped a chip, was trying to pick it up, but was so fat he couldn't bend over. You guys know what followed suit. I was almost crushed to death by a fat dude in a casino, how would I have explained that one to St. Peter.

The next night we were at the very same roulette table, and on the other side of the room we hear a loud thump. Looking up from our gambling problem, we see an old woman sitting on the ground. She seems OK and there are several people around her telling her not to get up. She sits on the floor for about 10 minutes. During that time me and Nancy finish up our sinful and wasteful ways at the roulette table. We walk around the casino for about a minute and end up over by where the woman had fallen down, just in time to watch three security guards pushing her, now seated on a stool, up to the craps table. Ah, a happy ending after all.

As I stated in my last blog entry, we had a flat on the way home. At first I thought God was mad at me and Nancy for gambling. We were 80 bucks ahead after all. The new tire cost a total of 60 bucks, almost wiping out our winnings. I then told Nancy God was telling us not to gamble. But then cooler heads prevailed and I realized, it was God telling us to gamble MORE, so we could afford three new tires instead of one. I love God.

Now on to the actual title of this blog entry. We went to an outlet mall while in Shreveport called the Boardwalk. While there we did some shopping. One of the stores we went to was the Shoe Rack.

It's no secret that I'm not the tallest creature God ever created. I stand at a whopping 5'4", if I'm not slouching. My shoe size is average in comparison to my height and the size of my penis, men's seven and a half.

I've shopped for shoes my whole life and I've discovered they don't make many pairs of shoes in my size. That or there are a shit ton of short and proud men wondering the earth.

While perusing the shoes I noticed something that troubled me. The shelving went all the way to the ceiling, about 7 feet up, and all the shoes were arranged from largest sizes at the bottom to smaller sizes at the top. Someone didn't think this out very well. It doesn't take a rocket surgeon to figure out that if a person has smaller feet, then they are probably not very tall, and visa versa. So why in the hell are the smaller shoes up above me just out of my reach.

I can only think it's a horribly nasty trick to make me feel even more inadequate about my height. I bet Randy Newman has stock in the Shoe Rack.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

The Ball Dropped!

Happy New Year everyone! Me and the wife got back in ol' Atlanta yesterday after 9 hours of driving and 1 hour of having a flat tire in Louisiana. Luckily we were near a big-ish city and it was only 11 am. Big thanks to the dude at Handcook for helping us find a new tire.

We rolled into the ATL around 7:30 pm and both frantically got ready to go to Trader Vic's for the New Years festivities. Nancy got prettied up and I constructed the diaper I had to wear at midnight in Mike Gier's show.

I played a drunk 35 year old baby new year with a black eye. I came out, made the band stop playing a song and wished everyone a happy 2003, then proceeded to tell Mike not to tell me how to do my job because I've been baby new year for 35 years.

Then for the next 15 minutes I pushed my creepy naked diaper wearing body through the crowd sucking on the rubber nipple on the end of my Miller lite bottle while drunkenly asking everyone if I missed new years then wishing them a happy wrong year.

It was a ton of fun and beats last years new year on a plane who's landing flaps weren't working and being greeted by fire trucks and ambulances in New York. If you missed it check it out here.

Here's to a great new year. No matter how bad things may seem, as long as we have friends and family we can weather any storm. Stay positive everyone! Hug.